- You want to make more money
- You hate Corporate America and dream of working for yourself
- You fear you don’t have enough experience
- You’re still getting used to this whole “new and uncomfortable situations” thing
I’ve been following Ramit Sethi’s blog iwillteachyoutoberich.com for quite a while and LOVE the series he just wrapped up over the last 3 weeks on earning more money. He provided case studies, interviews, ways to get your first 3 clients, goes over psychological barriers and provides detailed action items rather than just fluff. He also has a really cool online series of courses called earn1k which coaches you on how to earn your first $1,000 of freelance income.
One of his posts included the short video below about devaluing yourself. Watch the video and think about how young professionals devalue themselves all the time, which then holds them back. You can think of it in terms of your job, starting your own business, or even dating people who suck.
Devaluing yourself can sneak up on you unintentionally.
For example, when someone asks you “what’s your rate/how much are you hoping to make if hired?” do you say, “well um, yeah, geez- it’d be nice to make x but honestly whatever you think is fair is fine.” Guess what you will get? A. Someone on the other side of the table who now views you as inexperienced, unconfident and possibly not that good. Or, B, s/he just sees cheap labor. They will pay you the way you respond.
Solution: State your rate confidently, stick to it, be wiling to walk away and pursue other opportunities who WILL pay you what you deserve.
Outcome: Regardless of if you landed the project or job, you just established yourself as valuable and enticing. You will now be in higher demand because you were willing to be uncomfortable for 3 minutes.
Now think of this situation in terms of dating. Perhaps it is very important to you that your life partner shares your religious background and shares your love of marathon running and traveling to foreign countries. Stick to your criteria and be willing to walk away. Not only are you more attractive, but you are more likely to get exactly what you want by confidently “naming your price” and sticking to it.
Whomever you are devaluing yourself to, you are only hurting yourself. Business people and people in your personal life will gladly take what they can get if you’re willing to give it to them.
This week, pay attention to what you say and how you portray your value to others. I bet you will devalue yourself at times without even realizing it. First gain awareness, then try putting your poker face on to get what you want. Let us know how it goes.
How have you devalued yourself in the past? How did the situation turn out? What did you learn from it?
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
Great points on both career and dating Nicole. We’ve all heard the saying that the way you perceive yourself is the way others perceive you. So, while it would be arrogant to go out and tell people “I”m awesome, I’m so hot blah, blah.” That kind of self talk and internal dialogue is in my opinion perfectly healthy. Napolean hill even said that if you tell yourself something enough times, even if it is a lie you will start to believe it. Powerful stuff.
Having generated my first couple hundred dollars in freelance income, I agree that that you place a certain value on yourself and if your value is 10 bucks an hour, then people are likely to think they are not getting quality.
I agree with everything you said. This is another great example of “fake it until you make it.” When I work with service providers or consider partnering with other entrepreneurs on projects, I can always sense their level of confidence. If I don’t sense a lot of confidence, I don’t work with them.
If confidence isn’t natural, I think it’s a great idea to practice saying what you want. There’s nothing wrong with scripting yourself if you aren’t a natural at closing the deal. Soon enough you’ll be a natural.
Michael Port uses an analogy of the “Red carpet.” This means you only let it the best people who you enjoy working with. Working for those who aren’t willing to pay your rate are not only a huge pain in the ass with unrealistic expectations, but their attitude costs you in terms of stress. Working with those who pay you fairly often make you happier, them happier which ultimately leads to more referrals and more business.
Well said, Nicole! This was just what I needed to read tonight. Really.
This is certainly something I am working on. There is a fine line between having humility and being self-deprecating…and I tend to fall toward self-deprecating.
Dare I start a firestorm, but I think that women are particularly prone to devaluing themselves, especially in business and freelance settings (like in your example above about stating vs. waffling in telling a client about rates). Though I’m currently in grad school and plan to start a business in 2011, I’ve had harrowing experiences in the corporate world of bumping into the glass ceiling. Fortunately, I learned to chuck grenades through those glass ceilings, but not until after having drug my feet and been painfully tentative in asking for raises, promotions and opportunities. And though I’m not currently playing on the corporate career playground, I’m still learning about valuing my skills and contributions. Really–valuing *myself.*
I’m working on my speech (as you suggested!) and trying to catch myself before hmming and hawing and then devaluing myself. I’m just SURE there’s a way to be beautifully graceful in all of this. Though I still like to chuck {figurative} grenades every once in a while.