All of this Valentine’s Day talk is really starting to irritate me. I can’t get away from it- horrible Kay Jewelers and Jared commercials. The escapades on The Bachelor (more on this for viewers at the end). Watching dumb girls give it up too soon on The Millionaire Matchmaker in hopes that they will get a free ride for the rest of their lives…
And outside of TV land, I get angry when hearing about dating rough patches a few of my girlfriends are facing (yes, of course it is the guy’s faults haha). And shocked (yet not shocked) about a conversation I had with my guy friend the other day about whether or not he should take his regular hook-up out for Valentine’s Day even though he never wants to be in a relationship with her…
Jesus people!
I never notice all the focus on fairy tale weddings, proposals and marriages, but this February, I’m noticing it like whoa. It scares me. Mostly because I feel that the media makes relationships and marriage out to be some romantic, magical and whimsical perfection which its just never gonna be.
Perhaps all this media fluff is partially responsible for the high level of divorce in our country? Perhaps we go into relationships having completely unrealistic expectations? Did people (and advertising agencies) not get the memo that the Beaver Cleaver days are long gone?
And for those of us that are in our mid-twenties- I can hear the fear in my peers’ voices about never getting married, never “finding someone” etc. Why all the pressure?
And for those of you who watch The Bachelor like I do, I can’t leave this post without saying a few things about last night’s episode:
Alli:Kudos to you on leaving The Bachelor in order to continue your career and job at Facebook. You seem to be the most stable, intelligent and confident of all the women this season. You would have been crazy to stay only for Jake to end up with the winner (if you want to know who wins, check out realitysteve.com).
Gia: I’m so annoyed that you have nothing to say other than how hurt you have been in the past. How are you going to ever move forward and have a future with someone if you can’t stop crying and mulling over all of your past? No one wants to date OR marry a cry baby. You’re lucky Alli left on her own, otherwise you’d be gone like the wind this week.
Tenley:You are slightly nuts. You are the prettiest of the finalists yet you seem to have forgotten that you are not 6 years old anymore. You can stop talking like a baby, reminiscing over your child hood, fawning over Daddy, and not listening to what Jake says. You prove my theory of why people get married to a fantasy and get divorced young. Remember last night when you wanted to make sure Jake wasn’t a Momma’s boy? Well he said he was, but you were too busy fantasizing about your glass slipper that you didn’t even hear him and you said “perfect!” Wake up.
This post is a bit random, but I had to see if any of you guys were feeling this way about all the Valentine’s Day hype too. It is SO annoying even for those of us who are in relationships.
The one thing I’ve learned this week from both watching tv and talking to my friends, is to listen to what people are saying. People show you who they are right away. It’s up to you to listen and take it for what it is.
I’ve learned this the hard way more than once, and I’m sure you have too. Usually once you go through a breakup you realize that they showed you the signs of who they were from day 1.
Thoughts?
{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }
Like you say, it’s a problem of expectations. It’s become a race to the bottom. Nobody is pleasantly surprised on a holiday like Vday anymore. There is only the risk that the day won’t live up to the lofty expectations; and for many people, it won’t.
I’ve learned from a lot of books- and perhaps a bit of therapy
- that unrealistic expectations are the root of a lot of issues- anxiety, depression, disappointment, failed relationships, job unhappines. It makes sense. Not saying one should go into situations assuming the negative. Rather, hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
Sean and I don’t celebrate Valentine’s for several reasons. It’s a “Hallmark Holiday”, we’re anti-pointless-consumerism, as well as… ok it’s cheesy and sappy but we have our own versions of Valentine’s Days at random. I don’t think that there should be ONE DAY ONLY where you focus on expressing your love. So I’m in complete agreement with you on all counts. Except that I don’t watch any of those shows lol
Aww Sean. What a guy!
I feel the same way- we try to do date nights every Friday since he works out of town during the week. I honestly feel like a kid at Christmas every Friday because he is home and because I get to go on a date with him. Today he asked if Valentine’s Day was a big deal for me, and I said no because we have Valentine’s Day ever Friday.
You’re spot on on Valentine’s Day. People need to get real and just appreciate what they have 24/7, single or not single. Why does there need to be a holiday to celebrate love? That should be everyday.
Re: The Bachelor, I kept asking myself what I would do in Allie’s shoes, and I think I’d go back to work too. If there was an ounce of doubt that we wouldn’t end up together, I wouldn’t risk it. Although I’m interested in what the upcoming phone call yields: “Jake, it’s Allie…” Oh, boy. God bless reality television and its endless wisdom.
Yeah what’s up with feeling like a relationship or marriage is the end all be all? What about your friends, hobbies, career, family and life outside of dating? There is a LOT there!
According to RealitySteve.com Alli doesn’t come back. Even if Jake picks Vienna in the end, I HIGHLY doubt they will end up getting married. Can you imagine those two really making it long term? I can’t!
This is a great post! While Valentine’s Day is a great excuse to go out to dinner, I think that’s really where the fun ends. Why should a couple feel extra pressure to do extra special things for each other on ONE day of the year? Shouldn’t that be everyday? And great point tying in the idea of a “perfect relationship”. Perfect relationships don’t exist, especially when you only really try on February 14th.
Hey Ingrid! Thanks for coming by. I agree that effort should be made regularly. I’m glad you see my point on this- the media has made relationships (and Valentine’s day) out to be silly.
On that note, we should all get together again soon! Maybe Mr. “Perfect” himself can grace us with some more “Loud Mouth Soup” humor at The Sofitel! haha! Oh, and I really want to try the jumbo metabll at Socca now that I met Chris!
Great post! I do like Valentine’s Day but hate what it has turned into, especially being so one sided. Society puts so much more pressure on men to make it special for woman. I believe that is should be an equal expression of love that does not necessarily include a price tag. One year I got a pb&j sandwich cut into a heart and I have to admit, it is still probably my favorite story!
This is a GREAT point here. Why is it all about what the guy does for his woman? Seriously? How selfish does that make us look!
Amber and Heather make great points. However, are you aware of the Holiday “Steak and BJ Day” on March 14th? I don’t mean to be inappropriate but in a man’s mind, although be it perverted and immature at times, this holiday is the equivalent of the one-sided Valentine’s Day. I love cuddling and showering my gf with presents and trips for Vday, but I find myself comforted knowing the “Steak and BJ” holiday exists. I know I am opening myself up to tons of ridicule but women you can have the 14th of each February, I’ll take the one in March!
Mark,
Now that I know exactly which Mark wrote this I’m kind of LOL’ing! haha. I completely see your point about V-day being a one-sided holiday. Although, I guess it depends on who you’re dating. I had never heard about this Steak holiday- are you sure you didn’t make that one up?! haha!
Hi Nicole, I love your blog!
I think it depends how you look at valentines day, though. I think you’re right that it shouldn’t be taken too seriously and that it is a glorified marketing ploy to get guys to buy diamonds, flowers, and other fancy things for women. But I also think it’s nice to have a day of “us” if you’re in a relationship. I don’t think it even necessarily needs to happen on valentines day, but I think the day serves as a reminder to take a look at the person you’re spending time with, and recognize that person in your own way. I don’t think strong couples probably *need* valentines day– I also don’t think confident couples feel like they need to even do something special that day if they don’t want to. Romance makes some people happy. If it’s not you (or me), then that’s okay.
I have one sincere piece of two-cents: the spoiler in your post was really disheartening and alienating to me. I understand what you’re talking about in regard to the girls because I watch The Bachelor (like other readers who know what you’re talking about)– but I (we) watch it because I’m excited to see how it plays out. It’s just a bummer that my desire to read your blog necessitated the surprise spoiling of a show that I enjoy watching (for all of the crazy reasons you recall in your post)! It was just a really sad “oh shoot….” moment for me.
Colleen, I see your point about the spoiler. In my Valentine’s rage, I didn’t think of it like that. The sentence has been modified so that people can click to http://www.realitysteve.com if they want to know the ending. Even though we know the winner I’m still so pumped about the upcoming episodes.
Not only was it sad that I spoiled it for you and other readers, it’s even sadder who ends up winning.
So (very, very) true!