My favorite dating book of all time is called “Why Men Love Bitches.” Girls, you need to get this book. Guys, pretend you didn’t read that first sentence. I don’t want you to know all of our secrets.
The subtitle of this book is called “From Doormat to Dreamgirl-A Woman’s Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship.” The word bitch is not a bad word in the eyes of author Sherry Argov. Bitch stands for “Babe In Total Control of Herself.” Sherry argues that doing what you want to do, living your own life and avoiding traditionally female emotional drama is the best way to win a man’s heart for the long haul.
This book just so happens to be my dating Bible. Yet since my boyfriend is working from the Chicago office for the first time in 6 months (he usually works in L.A. during the week) I’ve been a little too excited. My house is clean, his dry cleaning is done, the fridge is stocked, dinner is cooked, etc.
Then yesterday he dropped a bomb on me: he said I was being too nice and that it was a bit much.
WHAT?! The poster child for “Why Men Love Bitches” is being too nice?! I’ve never heard such a thing from anyone I’ve ever dated. In fact, quite the contrary. Usually people tell me to BE NICE!
I’ve seen and heard variations of this story happening to people at work. The difference is that at work, you probably won’t receive the direct feedback of someone telling you you are being too nice.
Yesterday’s events served as a great reminder not to be too nice. Being too nice can be detrimental to your career and how your co-workers see you. In order to get promoted, you need to be seen as unshakable: focused, clear minded, fact based. You need to command respect.
Here’s how you can apply the rules of dating to your job
- Be in total control of yourself. Don’t let your anger or emotions get the best of you.
- Don’t say yes to everything.
- Don’t immediately say “sorry.” Only use that word when you need too.
- Don’t feed into your boss’s bad moods. Instead give him or her space and stick to the facts when communicating.
- Don’t say anything about “having a talk.”
- Don’t start conversations with “I feel.” Instead, start with facts.
- Don’t let them assume you will always be there.
- Take the time off that is given to you.
- Set boundaries and stick to them.
- Don’t do everything for your co-workers. You will start to be seen as a gopher instead of a smart and talented employee.
What other rules of dating do you think can be applied to your job?
Do you think Sherry Argov’s dating advice is too harsh?
Why does every guy I know love Family Guy?
{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }
Love this post Nic- for various reasons
It is so important to hold your own, both in your relationship, and in your career.
Yes- a common discussion point in our lives: figuring out the balance.
Family Guy is summation of all things witty and just plain f’ing hilarious. Drawing the obvious parallels to men’s personality and traits, that is why men love it so much!
haha Speak of the Devil! And this comment, my friends, is from my glorious boyfriend.
Thano, I had to add that question at the end becuase I am continually shocked at how many episodes of Family Guy you can watch in a row without being bored or distracted! I was relieved to turn that *hit off last night when you left!
I totally agree with this post, great advice! BTW, love that book as well
I think when you hold your own at work or in relationships, it shows that you don’t dependent on anyone and you can hold your own no matter what and that demands respect! Which is the perfect reward.
I love this post! I think it perfectly describes the importance of commanding respect. And, trust me, we’ve all been guilty of being a little *too* attentive to our men.
Thanks Claire! Glad you liked it and can relate. It’s a fine line between being loving and being a doormat!
People are often amused when I say I treat men and jobs similarly, in terms of being active about seeking opportunities. Finally – some good justification! Thanks, Nicole.
I too see a correlation. I always relate dating to job seeking:
-there are always those awkward first dates
- the ones that looked great from the outside but were not so great once you got to know them
-the ones you didn’t give a chance but kind of knocked your socks off!
Great post! Love how you tie relationship and work rules together–catches my attention and reminds me how important healthy habits are in every aspect of life. Also, thanks for the book recommendation–Argov seems wise and I’m excited to read on!
Hey! Thanks! I mean let’s be honest, as a young professional our jobs and our relationships are two huge parts of our lives!
Thanks for the rules of dating to your job. I will start implementing these rules and sure it will work .Also I would read that book.
AMEN! Letting people walk all over you doesn’t command respect. People at your job need to respect you, and your relationship partner needs to as well. That applies to men and women, but I think women are more likely to mold themselves to the cultural stereotype of putting everyone else first. It’s like they’re trying to be the “cool girlfriend” or “cool employee” by pretending not to care about anything. Well, it’s like junior high – the cool kids are the ones who don’t care about being cool. They’re just themselves and their peers respect them for it.
Once you embrace your independence and start doing things for YOU, respect follows in your job and your relationships. “Good” girls go to heaven but bitches go everywhere!
I think a lot of employees are intimidated by their managers/superiors. Your managers are real people too, and they do not have total control of you and your life.
I agree that women are more likely to mold for others as a result of trying to please everyone. Also, great point about the cool kids in school- that is pretty hard to fake!
I think women need to understand the concept about putting YOU first and then good things will come as a result. This concept may be explored further in an upcoming post!
I haven’t read this book so I can’t comment on it’s content, but I have a feeling I would disagree with some (or possibly most) of it. Reclamation of the term “bitch” isn’t a new thing, but this whole injection of psuedo-neo-feminism into relationships baffles me. The whole point of feminism in the first place was for women to prove they didn’t need men and could live without them. Being in a romantic relationship is completely counter-productive to the movement’s (original) intended goal. Rambling off topic. Anyway, I did look at some excerpts from the book and the biggest problem I have with most of it’s concepts are that it’s completely about mind games. Why can’t people just be honest? Why can’t a man say “hey I like you, if you like me, let’s see what we have in common” and the woman says “ok well I want to get married and have kids in the next couple years, is that what you want?” and the guy says “hell no I want to live the bachelor life for at least 3 more years and go out with the guys every Friday night but I might consider that in 5 years” or something like that. And thus the relationship ends peacefully, no hurt feelings. Or conversely, they both tell each other up front what their goals and desires are and find that they’re compatible, and BOOM a great relationship is born. MIND GAMES ARE STUPID AND THEY SUCK! That’s my two cents.
Now this is a book I must read. I want to be this independent, “commands respect” chick. Where do I sign?
I wish I could follow every piece of advice in “Why Men Love Bitches,” but it’s difficult. Well said, though, that the tips are evident even in bussiness/professional situations.