I’ve been in a fight with my anxiety for a long time now.
I first started noticing it in high school when I was busting ass to get into the top 25% of my 800 person class , trying to rock my classes and get a decent score on the ACT. I had to get into my top choice school, Miami of Ohio, and focus was never my strong point.
I ruined every family vacation growing up thanks to my incarcerating anxiety. Whether we were shopping for a prom dress while on vacation in Florida or eating a meal at an unhealthy restaurant in South Carolina, I always found something to be anxious and worried about. God bless my family for their patience (and for still traveling with me).
College came and then, afterward, I started my career and did my stint of dating guys that weren’t right for me. My anxiety was definitely NOT my friend during these times. In fact, it started to take a staring role in my life. My days consisted of a racing heart, paranoia, shaking, lack of sleep, having to step away during work to take deep breaths among many other uncomfortable symptoms.
Thankfully, my anxiety is now under control and livable (I am forever grateful to you my dear pharmaceutical company!). But let’s be honest, it will never be totally gone. And I’m very grateful for that.
As some of you have gathered, I really like working. This runs in my family. If I don’t have a “passion project,” a book to read (or write!), a presentation to give, a class to take, a new business idea to toss around or a person to meet in addition to my day job, I’m completely lost. I don’t really watch TV- I just can’t go that long without intellectual stimulation.
Although my anxiety level is no longer the leading lady in my life, it is the engine that fuels my career.
My anxiety (or maybe we should call it energy?) keeps me working hard, meeting people, learning new skills and diversifying my experiences. This engine is my “career insurance policy,” and my career’s “portfolio diversification strategy.”Without anxiety, I’d probably be sitting on the couch every night after work with no major accomplishemnts to reflect my time. I’d also have nothing to catch me if life didn’t go according to plan.
I’m so glad I didn’t listen to the boyfriends and people who said I was “way too young to take life so seriously” or that I “work too much” and should “relax and enjoy my life.” Well people, I’m happy to report that I couldn’t be enjoying my life more than I am right now. The people I’ve met, the things I’ve learned and the opportunities ahead of me would not exist had it not been for my high “anxiety” level.
As they say, “when you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.” Today I encourage you to pick one of your major weaknesses and look at it as a strength instead! Embrace the unique insanity that is you.
• What characteristic(s) did you formerly view as a hindrence but now view as a blessing? For example, maybe you started life out as calm and shy and now you realize it has made you a great observer and a serious asset in times of disaster. Maybe you were the class clown and now it makes you a top sales person.
• Was there a specific event that made you realize your “weakness” was actually a strength?
• Do you feel your teachers did a good job of developing students’ strengths?
• What did people tell you about yourself that you no longer believe is true?
{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
When I was a kid I used always get in trouble for talking in class. I would get comments like “Great student, talks a lot in class”. It never ended. My friends always gave me a hard time about it and called me a social butterfly through high school.
Once I hit adulthood I realized my ability to be able to talk to anyone opened up a lot of different opportunities in my carreer. I was offered networking opportunities and jobs just because of my friendliness and personality. My regular day job is in sales.
So I may still talk a lot and I may be called one of “the happy perky people”, but at this point I see it more as an asset that will help me get through a lot of doors to the place I want to be.
Nicole,
I actually once got meds for anxiety and it made me realize how much anxiety I actually had on a subsconscious level. Every morning I’d wake up and it would be a scramble to get out the door. My ex girlfriend used to tell me it sounded like I was breaking dishes in the kitchen. I’m on the polar opposite side of that now.
For me that weakness turned strength is ADHD. It went undiagnosed throughout my college career. It went undiagnosed through the first 5 years of my working life which got me labeled as a slacker, unmotivated, etc, etc. Strangely enough that’s the very thing that has enabled me to pull of all the things I have in the last year. It turns out people with ADHD have one thing that you don’t hear about often. The ability to have laser like focus when they are interested or passionate about what they are doing. We don’t get an in between. That’s why things like sitting down writing a blog post in 20 minutes don’t seem far fetched to me. Because of the freedom and flexibility I now have, I can produce quality work in the 4 hours a day in which I’m most productive. Usually, most things that you see as a curse are really blessings in disguise. I had medication for the ADHD and I stopped it about 6 months back. As far as the anxiety fueling you, it’s definitely a good way to reframe things. Just be careful that you don’t burn yourself out.
Hey Nicole,
Thanks so much for writing this post. I really needed to read it. I struggle with this, as well. I’d love to talk to you about this more. This post was like looking in a mirror.
I’ve ’struggled’ with anxiety growing up. I say ’struggled’ in quotes, because I used to think it was a struggle and that “boy i can’t wait until I grow out of this…” However, I realized that my anxiety is a part of me that I shouldn’t try to get rid of so quickly. That the guttural, anxious twist in the pit of my stomach comes from a real desire to be heard, understood and to accomplish … or to “ship out” (Seth Godin!). The exercise of discovering the source of my anxiety was the most empowering moment. The key – embrace your anxious moments as the window of insight to your deepest desires and fears alike.
To a certain extent, I’ve done meds, therapy, yadda yadda. But it wasn’t until I learned that I can control the amount of energy, or anxiety, I experience that I began to completely change the way my body and mind feel when in an anxious state. It began with the realization that my anxiety was driven by a dissonance between what I thought I wanted, and what I actually visualized in my head as career success and relationship success. Not to mention, that I was also being completely hard on myself. But it was so telling. Needless to say, I made some serious moves after that, and I’m so glad I listened to the subconscious part of myself. I’m now on a path that I sincerely love – in my career and in my relationship. It was through realization, actualization and acceptance, that I was able to turn that ‘anxiety’ energy into an excited anxiety – or exitety if you will.
Don’t try to contain your anxiety – find out what drives it and take the reigns. Empower yourself – like Nicole.
*reins