Home Plus One Dating Babies, Nirvana, and the No-Goes of Online Dating

Hi friends. As I mentioned in my last post, I’m an online dater. My friends are too. And while we’ve been studying this magical dating tool, we’ve quickly realized that there are a lot of guys online that just don’t have it together. But through our “research” we’ve recognized characteristics on male dating profiles that immediately rule them out of the competition for our hearts.

So with the help of my friends, I’ve compiled a list of absolute no-goes for online dating profiles. If you come upon a profile with one of the following characteristics in their profile, steer clear!

1. Mirror Pictures

This means they don’t have any friends to take a picture of them. This also means most likely you are getting a shot of their bathroom. How does that look??

2. If They Are Willing To Date Someone Under 21 

Now unless the gentleman is freshly 21, this is just creepy. One of the first questions you get asked while making a profile is what age range you are looking for. Personally, if a guy is willing to date a girl who isn’t of the legal age to go to most entertaining places in a city, that is just sketchy.

 3. If There is Another Girl in the Pictures

If there is a chick in the  profile picture, boy has issues. He is either super insecure and wants to show you he really can snag a girl or he is showing off his prostitute friend. Also- babies. Maybe some girls dig babies but at this point in my life, I don’t want your kid. Don’t try to hypnotize me into your heart with that adorable child.

4. Terrible Movies or Music

Now this is all personal opinion but I think it says something. I will NEVER message a guy who lists any Nicholas Cage movies as a favorite.

5. If They Refer to “Mother and Father” or “Mommy and Daddy” on Their Profile

It’s happened people. Creepy. Too attached. Keep mom and dad out of this.

 6. Typos

The absolute worst! If you’re meeting someone in a bar you don’t say “Hi. I is Lauren.” This is you making a first impression! Proofread! Care about what you are doing! Don’t be a sloppy mess! Make your bed!

7. Talking Too Much About Yourself

Seriously, I know you want me to get to know who you are. But save something for the first date! I don’t want a novel. You already exhaust me.

8. Only Quotes

If the entire profile is just quotes from other people, this guy has no idea who he is or what he is doing. But yes, Nirvana did have some poetic lyrics. Fail.

9. Saying “I Hate Internet Dating”

Seriously?? You hate Internet dating?? Then why are you on here? And what does that say about me!?! Just give up the façade and embrace it. And don’t message me again.

10. “Ha Ha Ha”

It wasn’t that funny. Stop virtually laughing. This also goes for ;) , LOL, :P, LMAO,  or <3. Just stop it.

11. Usernames Referencing Something Terrible

Thuglife_6666, TorturedSoulBoi, Casual_Only, EyeKerryAHandgun8. Every one a no go.

I could probably extend this list (too many shirtless pics, “not looking for fat chicks”, apologetic profiles, any reference to sexcapades,) but I don’t want to overwhelm you. I also know I’m a tad harsh too, (I’m sure ONE good guy likes a Nicholas Cage movie). There are good guys online! I promise.

Hopefully this list might help, but I’m sure you’ve got a list of your own. What is a complete no go for you? Let’s talk.

Happy Thursday Y’all.

11 replies to this post
  1. 12. No profile pictures: What are you trying to hide?

    13. Job in finance: “I’m not in it for the money”…I call bull on that.

    14. Backwards baseball cap: Not a true fan if you can’t wear the cap right!

  2. Additional things I aviod:

    -Guys with cat pictures. I need a MAN (with a dog).

    -Men who are shorter/skinnier than me.


  3. Lauren, I have a confession to make – that Friday after your last post, I made a profile on an online dating site…then I deleted it 5 minutes later. Progress? Okay, maybe not. But I loved reading this!

  4. Hmm… I met my fiance online and one of the things that drew me to him was a picture of him with his cat. To each their own.

    I just gave advice to a friend who is starting the whole internet dating stuff, and I think it’s important to just be yourself. People try to hard to please a LOT of people when you really only need to please one.

    • Agreed! I think some guys try to be a player- not on Internet dating! Not the right forum!

      Congrats on finding your person! (and glad you’re a cat person!)

  5. Hi Lauren,after reading your post,i think is dating is necessary! on college days means ,we can make friends with girls, get to know each other,if we have to go to a movie or any place we gather all and go and spend time,, but online dating is not supposed to be there,where one cannot trust other people,,i think so…

  6. Online dating IS difficult. All those little things that you can ignore in real life are just GLARING on their profile. All of your points are dead on. I also hate when they list “sex” as an interest. You’re a man, I know sex is an interest. Listing it just makes you seem like a creep. I also hate when guys expect me to respond to their messages when it’s just a “Hey”. Nope. I need you to impress me a little bit with your opening. You have to do that in real life, so you definitely have to do it online when there are other guys lining up to try to do the same thing. (OK, I made myself sound a little too in demand there, but you know what I mean.) I could probably talk about this for days…

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