“I’m going to die alone!” is the sarcastic, yet slightly serious cry of many of my single girlfriends.

What if you were? Now what?

Ironically, my epiphany was born on a treadmill. Rihanna’s “Rockstar 101″ had quickly become both a mantra and favorite workout track. Exercising had become necessary for my sanity at the time. Feeling rejected both by men and a job hunt during the recession, fitness was the only area where I would put in effort and see results. I escaped to the gym, my sanctuary of solitude from all the stressors in my life. If I worked out, I knew that I hadn’t neglected my own needs that day. If I didn’t have a man, I would give myself the attention that I wanted from a man, and make myself feel beautiful.

While on the treadmill, Rihanna boldly belted through my iPod’s headphones, “To be what you isn’t, gotta be what you are…”

It hit me. What if I would never be anyone’s girlfriend or wife? What if this was it? Would this be enough? Would I be enough for me? I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t be single and miserable.

It was time to surrender to the idea of being indefinitely single. If you’ve been single for a while, you probably want to punch every person who says the cliché phrase, “Don’t worry. He will come. Just be patient.” I’m not going to do that to you, #TeamSingle. I’m just going to ask you, “What if he doesn’t?” So what? Realize your worst fears. You’re single. You’re not dead. You will survive single.

We live in a society that presupposes that being single is a sad thing, but it doesn’t have to be. Now, you could either be single and miserable, single and desperate, or..

you can rock single like a fresh pair of Louboutins that will never go out of style. It’s your choice, and you do have a choice.

Yes, there are women who never get married or who divorce and never remarry. They’re fine. I resolved that if I were going to die alone, my concept of single needed a makeover. I had to take single by the stilettos and work it like a runway. If I was going down single, I was going down making single look good.

That day, I resolved to being single and satisfied, and never looked back. I’d tried dating and miserable, desperate and miserable, and single and miserable. None of them were good looks for me. The pain of each situation hurt too much to revisit. But single and happy? This was a concept that I’d barely even seen. It became my happiest scenario yet. Getting there didn’t come without a fight. I had to get honest with myself to let go of some of my insecurities and weaknesses. Like my body on that treadmill, it was no longer about where I was going, but what I was becoming.

“But Bonnie, that’s easy to say in theory, but I still want to get married one day,” you say. So do I.

“Single and satisfied” doesn’t mean you’re not open to romantic love. It simply means, that contrary to popular belief, you don’t really need it to feel complete, joyful, or like you’re living a full life. You find other ways to meet your needs. You resolve that if you needed something you would have it, and if you don’t have it, you must not need it because you’re surviving without it. It means that you’re seriously no longer searching, but attracting what fits with your destiny. In fact, the idea that someone may disrupt your new-found contentment with life will make you nervous. There is no settling for the single and happy. The bar has been raised for all of their dating partners. Their partners don’t have to beat out “single and miserable” or an ex-lover that got it wrong. Their potential mates have to convince them to give up their lifelong exclusive marriage to their oldest friend– themselves. It’s a tall order. However, it is the very reason why being single and satisfied not only improves your singlehood, but also any potential relationships.

In fact, I attract more men now than ever before. There’s something exceptional about the swagger of a woman who knows that she’s not missing anything… except for maybe a black guitar (according to Rihanna). Rock your singlehood, ladies.

Hello Career Girls!

I’m Lauren. Nice to meet you all. I know we don’t know each other yet, so I though I’d go ahead and let you get to know me the best way I know how- by completely embarrassing myself.

A month or so back, I had a falling out with a guy I was dating. It wasn’t the best ending to our little romance. Our offices are in the same area so I knew that seeing him again was inevitable. It had to happen. The day finally came and I saw him from across the street, at an awkwardly painful distance. We were too far away to get it over with and say hello, yet just close enough to see each other and know that running away was not an option.

After what seemed like the longest minute of my life, we finally crossed paths. I pulled my hand out of my pocket and what did I do? I saluted him. Saluted him?!? What was I thinking?? How was a salute my body’s first reaction? I was so embarrassed. (I would like to take this a step back and say that no one in my family has any affiliation with the armed forces, therefore making this reaction even odder). 

And what acknowledgment did I get from him in return? The head nod. You know the one. The I’m-too-cool-to-take-my-hands-out-of-my-pockets- “sup bro” head nod. Oh how I despise that nod.

This whole situation has made me think. For me, running into an ex outside of a bar or a friend’s party has been rare until now. In those instances you can just keep hold of your drink, blend into the crowd, or look busy talking to others. But now the ex encounter has infiltrated the workday. So what do you do?  How do you appropriately deal with the (sober) ex-run in?

As budding career professionals we’ve been groomed to have the firm handshake. But this is just one of those situations where the handshake is not appropriate.  Should we pull an Obama and go in for the fist bump? Take it back old school and bring it up for the high-five? Or should we just commit to the classic wave?

Obviously, the wave it not my default reaction.

The next time I saw this gentleman, I clenched my fists in my pockets in fear of another salute and gave the most enthusiastic, “Hi!” you’ve ever heard in your life.  It would have made you think I was greeting the delivery man who was carrying a million dollar check for me.  Again, head nod from him. Ugh.

This last time I ran into him, I was mad. Mad that I ran into him again and mad that I was about to embarrass myself once again. But I was so busy wracking my head with the most appropriate way to say hello, I just completely passed him, totally ignoring his presence. But it worked! At least, I didn’t feel embarrassed. Who knows what my face looked like when I passed him though, full of so many thoughts!

So what do you think? Which is best reaction for an accidental ex meet-up? Is it more appropriate to be formal but awkward? Excited yet fake? Or just give the cold ignore?

I wish that my story, due to the level of embarrassment, is not comparable to yours, but I think that a lot of you out there might be able to relate. So let’s start a conversation. Us career girls have got to stick together and help each other out!

Do you have a story? What do you think is best? Let’s talk.

-Lauren

Happy 2012!  We are super excited to bring some great new content to you this year at Ms. Career Girl.  Since the blog is going into its 4th year of existence, we figured it was time to spice things up a bit.

Who is “we,” you ask?  Well, you’ll be hearing a lot more from Kovie Biakolo who works for MCG Media as a Social Marketing Consultant, Events Coordinator and she’ll also be starting her own column here at Ms. Career Girl in a few weeks!

Kovie graduated from Drake in May 2010 with a Marketing degree.  She had plans to go to law school but as most of us know, things don’t typically go as planned after graduation.  I’m so happy to have Kovie’s fresh and honest perspective on the challenges of life as a recent college graduate. Follow Kovie on Twitter @KovieBiakolo or send her an email at Kovie@MsCareerGirl.com.

What else is new at Ms. Career Girl?

#MCGConnect Chat!

#MCGConnect a fun and honest chat for women who want it all (and for the guys who are brave enough to hang with us!).  We’ll discuss everything from our careers, pop culture, news, fashion, food, family, relationships and more.  We give something away during EACH chat that supports a women-friendly business too!

The chat is held every other Wednesday At 8pm CST starting tonight January 4th, 2012! We’ll start with introductions, then release question #1.  Every 10 minutes, a new question will be released.  The giveaways will be randomly announced throughout the chat!  Follow @MCGConnect, @KovieBiakolo and @MsCareerGirl on Twitter or use TweetChat.com to keep up with our hashtag!  For #MCGConnect Twitter chat tips and for the full 2012 schedule, please visit our Connect page!

Dating Columnist Wanted!

Yesterday we announced on our Facebook and Twitter page that we’re looking for a paid dating columnist to regularly write about her experiences as a single gal in the city!  Think a 20 and 30-somethings version of Carrie Bradshaw but in 2012.  Yes, I understand that this is a career blog, but career girls can’t deny that their relationships, breakups and dating escapades are part of their lives too.  I used to have some great dating stories but my stories have dried up now that I’m engaged.

To be considered, please fill out the application form below!  Applications will accepted until Friday January 6th, 2012 at 5pm CST.  Finalists will be contacted early next week.  Since we believe that honesty is what makes a great column, you are welcome to use an “author name” and use a separate email address to protect your identity.  All applications are confidential and only viewed by Kovie and me!

Having to be in the company of your co-workers at least five times a day, eight hours a week, it is inevitable for us women to grow close and develop an intimate friendship with some of the people that we work with day in and day out. That said, when a co-worker’s birthday comes around, you want to make it as special and meaningful as possible. What are some nice and unique holiday or birthday gift ideas for a co-worker?

First, tailor your gift based on how close you are to your co-worker. For instance, if you are particularly close and you have a knack for creating scrapbooks (alternatively you can pick one up at the store), go the extra mile for your co-worker and make a scrapbook using colours and cut outs that you know he or she would love. Scour your hard drive for photos of memorable events that you, the birthday celebrant and your other colleagues have been present at and stick each one on a separate page with a caption and a note. Be sure to ask people in the office to write a special birthday dedication for your co-worker. This personalized birthday gift is sure to be treasured by your co-worker for years to come.

If your co-worker has more of a practical, type-A personality, he or she would probably appreciate a useful gift such as an office plant or a paperweight. While these aren’t exactly unique gifts, you can still make them ‘unique’ for your co-worker in the sense that the style or appearance suits his or her personality. For instance, you can pick up a plant that is attractive and alluring and give your co-worker a card stating that the reason you chose that plant was because just as the plant is nice to be around, so is he or she. As for the paperweight, you can make this gift equally special by attaching a note expressing your heartfelt birthday greeting to your co-worker.

Some other practical gift ideas include gift certificates to the spa or discount cards at your favourite place to have lunch together. Tell your co-worker he or she deserves to be pampered after a hard day at work by presenting him or her with a gift certificate to the spa for a relaxing body or foot massage. You can also surprise him or her by footing the bill for lunch or a snack next time you grab a meal together. Sometimes the smallest gestures speak the loudest. If you are especially close to your co-worker and want to give him or a gift that will truly make an impression (e.g. something pricey that he or she has mentioned wanting to have), let your other co-workers in on your plan and you can start a joint fund wherein each person can contribute a specific amount which will total the sum that you need to buy the item that your co-worker wants. This is sure to warrant a priceless smile on your co-worker’s face.

Another unique gift for a co-worker’s birthday is making a video of all of your other officemates giving a short message. This is sure to make your co-worker feel loved and cherished in ways that money cannot buy. The truth of the matter is it doesn’t really matter what you gift him or her with so long as the gesture comes from your heart. Just remember that good or great co-workers aren’t that easy to find. That said every effort on your end should be made to show your appreciation to the ones that you can also call friends.

What are you getting your co-workers this holiday season?  

What birthday gifts have you bought your co-workers in the past?

What are holiday/birthday gifts should you NOT buy your co-workers?

I work for a small company that is only able to offer part-time hours to most of its employees. A couple weeks ago, just as cold and flu season was starting to set in and people were beginning to use their sick days, I had several additional employees with life issues. One employee was struggling to get to work. She and her boyfriend share a car and it had been in the shop for a week. Her mom had been driving her 20 minutes to the train so she could commute over an hour more.  She didn’t feel she was being supported at home to get to her job. She turned to me as her support away from home.

Another employee’s father was in the hospital. Not only that, there was a good chance his father’s cancer had returned AND his aunt had forced herself into a decision making role and was making choices this employee and his sister did not agree with. Amidst all this, his aunt/godmother passed away suddenly. He called me. “I need a day off.” “Ok, take the time you need,” I said, meaning it but knowing the stress of having fewer employees show up for their shifts.

A third employee’s girlfriend is pregnant. I’d asked him how things were going with the baby and he replied, “not good.” Knowing he’s not a talker, I simply asked him to let me know if I could be helpful in any way, even though I knew that would most likely take him out of work for a day here or there.

So, why give all these people leeway? Why give them space to call in? To not be at work? Because – and you all know it! – LIFE HAPPENS.

One thing I have learned in management is the importance of empathy. I know, it’s a big word. But, it’s important. It is particularly important as an employer to understand that life has its unexpected ups and down and to be aware that the people who work for you have more going on than just work.

And don’t just care about the big things. The smaller things, the life occurrences that come up, are important to pay attention to as well. Did someone get offered last minute tickets to see their favourite sports team? Does someone want to leave work early because they’ve got a lot of homework to finish? Take a look at this person’s track record. Have they missed a lot of work or do they show up? Do they ask for a lot of patterned time off or are they conscientious about their vacations? If they work hard and do well and are a valuable member of your team, ask yourself, “What can I do today to make sure this person is happy at work because I helped make another part of their life run smoother?”

Yes, you need to make the distinction between when an employee needs a little time and when this person becomes a liability to the functionality of the company, but it is by showing compassion to your employees and not just caring about the job they are doing that you are able to develop a dedicated and productive team.

Managers: how do you feel about allowing your staff to take time off for emergencies, life issues or even just because they’re doing a good job?  

Employees: is your manager compassionate about what you have going on in your life?  How does this effect your dedication to your manager or the company you work for?

By, Patricia Brehm

Here at Ms. Career Girl, a variety of topics are covered: education, career searches, and automobile insurance. But what happens when you’ve spent time applying for those jobs- the ones where you’re tailor made for the position- and then…boom! Your  hopes are blown-up like the Death Star when you receive the “It’s not you, it’s the needs of our company” email. How do you stay positive after what seems like thousands of rejection letters or a missed opportunity? Here’s my advice ala Star Wars metaphors:

Find Yourself An Obi-Wan Kenobi (aka a job mentor)

The best thing I did for myself was find an amazing woman with a human resources background who helped me stay motivated. She is literally my Jedi Master when I need advice on work situations or when I didn’t understand how to market myself to fit the needs of the employer. Where did I find her? Well, I found her through CareerPlace which for those of you out in Chicago’s northwest suburbs, is right in Barrington. If you’re still searching for a mentor, ask your college career center or look for membership in a professional organization. I am a member of Chicago Women in Publishing and my experience through the large as well as small networking events has been tremendous in teaching me what I am capable of accomplishing in my own career.

Great Things Can Be Found on Small Planets (or small businesses)

If you’re at all familiar with the Star Wars franchise, you know that the hero who is destined to save the universe will come from a small planet. While your shooting out resumes at warp speed to major companies, be sure to take a look at small businesses. You might find that a small business offers you a great opportunity to grow, a chance to take on more responsibility at a quicker pace, and you might be the candidate they’re looking for.

Sometimes You End Up Being Cryogenically Frozen (so you get help from friends)

It’s not easy staying positive when your resume is in the midst of the digital abyss, you can get frustrated, angry and trapped in your own worries. Much like Han Solo in the trilogy, you get stuck by a massive roadblock. Instead of Jabba the Hut, you can get trapped by the anxiety and frustration that a job hunt can bring. This is where a solid support system comes in. You’ll need a Luke, Leia, or R2D2 to help pull you out. Simple things like taking a break from the search or hanging out with your good friends pulls you away from the worries and can keep you motivated in flying the Job Search Millenium Falcon.

These are three easy ways that have helped me to stay focused in my career quest, but I want to also hear what helps you?

Today’s post is by Maureen Page.

Relationships with your business partner can be difficult. Or perhaps I should have started with “relationships with your spouse can be difficult.” Either relationship can prove to be challenging and when you combine them into one relationship the challenge can increase dramatically. Yet in many ways, the relationship you have with your boss and your spouse are very similar: you spend a lot of time with them, you depend on one another, and you have to work through difficult problems together. If it sounds like I know what I’m talking about it’s because I’ve been married to my business partner for several years.

Following is a list of tips that you can use to improve your relationship with your partner in 2011. This list applies equally well to your business partner, your spouse, or both!

1. Give the Respect They Deserve

Your partner deserves respect. They have worked very hard alongside you to achieve your common goals. Sometimes familiarity breeds contempt as they say. It’s human nature to lose a little respect for someone when you get to know all of their little quirks and flaws. Show your partner respect
regardless as the respect that you show your partner will set the tone for how others will respect your
partner too.

2. Appreciate Their Gifts and Accept Their Flaws

There is a reason that you joined with your partner to begin with. Recall what impressed you about your partner when you first met. Perhaps you were impressed by their intelligence, creativity, or sense of adventure. Those qualities are still there so look for them and encourage them. Conversely, don’t get hung up on their flaws. Do your best to offset each other’s strengths and weaknesses and appreciate the fact that you have a special relationship that works. Be your partner’s biggest fan!

3. Be Honest

Being open and honest with your partner is critical to a good working relationship. Being honest with them first requires that you are completely honest with yourself. What are your strengths and weaknesses? What would you like to accomplish in 2011 and what do you see as your biggest
challenges to those goals? Talk to your partner about their challenges and concerns as well. Be clear about what you will need from your partner and find out what you can do for them.

4. Establish A Shared Vision

Talk to your partner and establish a shared vision. What does success look like for you and your partner this year? Don’t assume that your partner’s vision is exactly the same as yours. Talk about it in as much detail as possible. How does success look? How do you want to feel and behave?
Working together towards a shared vision can have tremendous power.

5. Enjoy the Little Things

Success isn’t all about accomplishing tasks, making money, or getting your child through school. Take time to enjoy your family and co-workers. Laugh often and have some fun. Whatever it is that makes you smile – make sure you have some of that in every day.

Working with your spouse can be very challenging and equally rewarding. Make sure your partner knows that you appreciate and respect them, and work together in 2011 towards a shared goal. Have some fun along the way and you are sure to have the best year ever. Good luck!

Today’s post is by Nicole Martin.

Alarm goes off.  You shower and get ready, then drive/bus/train into work.  You answer e-mails, voice mails, and phone calls.  There are meetings and coffee… lots of coffee.  Finally the day is over and you fight traffic back home.  If asked how your day was, the answer is usually very simple: “fine.”  But if asked what you did at work, you would struggle come discuss the details.  Or, you wouldn’t be able to turn those details into an energetic conversation that last for more than a couple minutes.

Sound familiar?  If most of your workdays feel like this, then you are probably not “being present” during your workday.  Being present means that you are focusing on what is happening at that given moment.  You are not thinking about all the laundry you have to do when you get home, or how badly this morning’s meeting went… you are living in the now.

Your first thought might be that this is for new-age, granola eating tree huggers.  Au contraire!  The practice of being present can increase efficiency, strengthen relationships, and decrease stress.  Focusing on only one task at a time will allow you to work with a clear mind and help you make decisions faster.  If you are in a meeting with other people, being present helps you to take in all the details of the discussion.  If you are not zoning out (as we all tend to do during long meetings), your brain will quickly process the information and drive creativity.  It will also help you build a better relationship with those in the room… others who are living in the moment will easily pick up on whether your heart is in the conversation or not.  Finally, if you are cranking out great work and are so efficient that you can get home on time, your stress will certainly go way down!

Being present can come easily if you practice.  You might want to start with something you know you will enjoy, like a good meal or conversation with a close friend.  Practice thinking about just what is happening right then.  Then you can start being present at work… again, it may take baby steps but it will become more natural with time.  And during those high stress moments at work, take a walk if you can and focus on your surroundings instead of what is stressing you out.

Still not convinced?  Here is scientific evidence (read at your own risk – it’s very technical!): http://www.rickhanson.net/wp-content/files/papers/MindfulnessWell-Being.pdf And be sure to check out the other side of things on Employed Panache with this article on being physically present.

How do you practice being present?

Playing up your resume and and finding love is a lot more similar than you might think.  Putting substance to your online dating profile and writing something inspirational about yourself in a singles online ad  is not something to be taken lightly.  One must contemplate just the right flow of words to make Mr. Alright respond to your profile faster than you can say fat, single, curvy woman seeks big beefcake for meaningful McDonald’s meet-ups.

As engaging as that might sound to you, it probably won’t bring home the man prize or job of your dreams.  In order to attract the right kind of Ken to your Barbie or the right job, you might need to stretch the truth a little.  Its risky business by telling your potential  husband that your version of tall and sexy is about three apples high of a smurf with squatty forest gnome feet.

It’s okay to vamp up your online profile with descriptions that capture and captivate the attention of the intended reader. The whole point is to create a little mystery and uniqueness.  It’s really a way to brainstorm your way to love.   Just like an entry level job that has some interesting prospects, there’s nothing about a caterpillar that leads you to believe it will become a butterfly. Until you meet your prospective match in person, play up those beautiful traits in a wonderfully crafted paragraph wrapped up in interesting adjectives.

Its a little like padding your resume with interesting information about yourself and the personal achievements you have accomplished along the way.   On the flip side, be careful not to get carried away by describing yourself as a lusty, busty blonde.  You don’t want your dates face to drop when he discovers your busty description just turns out to be just plain musty and the equivalent of two mosquito bites hidden under your sweater.  Even though you might have fallen out of keeping yourself up these days, fix that frayed and frazzled hot mess you call your hair by coloring those nasty little roots.  Blow the dust off your favorite dress and get going crafting the witty dating profile that will bring home tall, dark, handsome and totally just okay.

There’s no doubt that our jobs can influence the way we handle things at home.  If you’re a Mom this is especially true.  Thanks to Veronica Hunt for sharing how her career has influenced her parenting!

As a Public Relations (PR) professional for more than 20-years, I work with clients to develop and disseminate key messages that influence behavior and establish credibility. Who knew that I’d employ the same principles at home with my tween daughter?

Wikipedia links a tween with preadolescence, stating that “preadolescent children have a different view of the world from younger children in significant ways.” Well, I’m here to say “yes”.

Example #1:

On a school night my daughter was faced with having to study for a math chapter test (a subject she struggles with) or go to swim practice (she’s been working hard to improve her breaststroke).   I wanted her to study but left it up to her to decide. Using persuasive thinking and sticking to key message points about school being a priority and doing what’s easiest not always being a smart choice, we talked about the consequences of each decision i.e. go to practice and risk getting a poor test result which could lower the C+ she’s worked so hard to earn, or stay home and work harder at swim practice two-days later.

Example #2:

Uniforms are required at my daughter’s school, so any occasion to showcase “regular” clothes with classmates is a big event. We were climbing out of the car to attend a Friday night social and pot luck dinner at the school when my younger child spilled spaghetti sauce on my daughter’s jeans ruining the look my tween had been planning for weeks.  Screaming and tears turned to fury towards her sibling and me!  Cue my all-important crisis communications and reputation management skills.  I quickly ran in, dropped off the spaghetti and raced home, explaining that accidents happen and it’s always smart to have a plan B. I asked her what she was planning to wear to her friend’s party next weekend so she could substitute outfits. No one had seen her in the spaghetti-riddled jeans, and she could wear that next week. We were fashionably late, but the crisis was managed.  Her reputation as a “cool dresser” (who knew!) was saved.

Spend 10 minutes reading any number of mom and dad blogs, and you’ll soon learn that as kids go from child to tween, there is a significant change in the way they view and perceive their parents.  It’s interesting to me that as I strive to educate myself on how to work with my tween, I find counsel that I offer my clients:

• Communicate effectively and often – talk about issues before they arise
• Stay engaged and connected – show interest
• Set aside some face time and listen – don’t push an agenda and follow through, do what you say
• Lead by example – demonstrate responsibility
• Apologize when you are wrong – recognize when you fall short

In my quest to get smart, I find myself employing basic PR tactics to reap knowledge, better understand my daughter and keep her trust:

• Case studies – talking to parents who have had children for 20+ years and learning what worked well
• Focus groups and surveys – addressing and dissecting the topic at social gatherings with other parents
• Spokespeople– positioning teenage and young adult nieces and nephews to champion my cause
• Content development – I’ve been lucky enough to have a few articles published; this blog post should help too!

I’m optimistic that as I learn more, stay on message and stay calm, I’ll be able to survive this personal PR challenge. Many years ago I made a career decision between marine biology or PR. I had no clue this decision would help me with my greatest job in life – being a parent.