The balancing act of being a wife, new mom and career woman is like walking a tightrope. Sometimes I glance down and am shocked to find there is no safety net below. I start to shake and worry if I can make it; so much to do and so little time and energy. Then, there are times when I look back and wonder how I ever made it across so effortlessly from one side to the other without even trying and never looking down.

I am an every way woman and this is my story.

I have always wanted to be a successful career woman. Ever since I was a little girl, I dreamed of wearing the sexy business suit to the office, being busy on the phone and making executive decisions that would further my career. I was raised to be successful and assertive, to never give up. You control your future. Your destiny is what you make of it. Sound familiar?

However, ever since I was a little girl, I also wanted to be married and have babies.… at least five or six! I knew I would eventually get married, I just never imagined it would be to the love of my life, my true soul mate.

Why is being a mother always butting heads with being a career woman? Why is this a conundrum for most women? Why is it that we seem like we always have to choose one option over the other?

To be a seriously successful business woman, you have to give up your hopes of ever having a family. Sure, you drive a 500 S-class Mercedes-Benz, own a fabulous home in Malibu, but no free time since you’re always working overtime because you have no one to come home to after work. What a horrible double-edged sword that is….

On the other hand, to be a loving wife and nurturing mother, you have to give up a successful career. Being at home, raising your children and watching them grow-there is nothing like it. Hands down, raising your babies is the most important journey a new mom will take. You are there from their first smile to their first step, you, the mom, were there.

Being a mom is an overwhelming feeling of incredible pride, love, joy, happiness and completeness that is so special.

Being a mom is something so wonderful and so unexplainable, words cannot describe the feeling you have every time your little “bundle of joy,” your “miracle” look up at you and smile wholeheartedly. Just knowing that you helped create this little life is truly a blessing.

However, what about making money and trying to provide for your “little pumpkin?” How can a mom raise her babies, work, cook, clean and still be sexy for her husband?

Is it just me or does this seem so unfair and unjust? On the up side, women are much better at multitasking and on the average tend to outlive their spouses.

Wait, but what does that mean? Great, so now we are innately able to juggle more responsibilities until we are in our early to late 80’s and do all this alone. But, that’s the beauty of being a woman. We can and we should try to do and have it all.

Sometimes life throws you curve balls and just when you think you can’t do something. Stop, face forward and march on.

Two weeks ago my sister Jay (a high school senior) and her boyfriend visited me downtown to look at DePaul University.  Afterwards, we sat outside at one of my favorite Lincoln Park spots and talked about college and careers.  My sister and I are nine years apart.  While I’ve already graduated college and gone through those first few post-college years, she is just starting the process.

Our conversation was really interesting and gave me some great topic ideas for Ms. Career Girl.  What most sparked my interest, though, was a comment Jay’s boyfriend made.

Taylor, like a vast majority of college students, is paying his way through school but isn’t totally sure of what entry level career path he’d like to pursue.  He said something like, “I’m not dumb and I’m not lazy.  I just don’t want to waste a ton of time or money until I know what I want to do.”

If I were to venture a guess, I’d say Taylor explained how most 18-22 year-olds feel about their education and career.

Some blame the “lost generation” on schools: High schools aren’t doing a good enough job of introducing students to various career paths.  Others feel college curriculum isn’t focused enough on preparing students for life outside the classroom.  Some of this may be true.  But, to that I say:

There is only one person in charge of your career: YOU.

My advice to Taylor was to make a point to talk to everyone he knows about what they do for a living. I told him to sit down with the professors who teach his favorite subjects and ask them what types of career paths that subject matter could lead him to.  I suggested that he ask his relatives, friends’ parents and everyone else he knows about their jobs, education and career goals.  At some point he’d hear about options that are interesting to him.

But the problem with my advice is that it takes up a lot of time. And, at his age, his network is still small.

After thinking a lot about this conversation, I decided that I want to provide a free “career due diligence” tool to young professionals like Taylor.

Therefore, you’ll start to see some requests to join our free email list.

Ms. Career Girl’s email subscription is designed around the values expressed here at Ms. Career Girl:

• YOU are in charge of your career.
• Network every day.
• If you don’t know what you want to do, then figure out what everyone else is doing and see what appeals to you.
• You must know who you are and what you want before you can go and get it.
• When conducting a career search, look for cool companies, not just cool job postings.
• Read!
• Interview often, even when you’re not looking.
• Your college major isn’t everything.

The details of this premium content email is still in the works, but here’s what we know so far:

Our career email will educate you on cool career paths, awesome companies and unique job openings that you probably didn’t know existed.

Some emails will appeal to you more than others. That’s the point. The info in each email should help you open your mind to what’s out there.  Use this email to learn, network, get inspired and as part of your self-exploration.  Use it as a job search tool and use it to save yourself time from doing all the legwork yourself.

Recruiters, business owners, journalists and more can submit cool job postings and companies by emailing me: nicole@mscareergirl.com.

And YOU should subscribe to our free email list today.  Then tell your friends by clicking some buttons below to share this article with your friends.

Suggestions? Questions?  Leave them in the comments box below or send an email directly to me at Nicole@mscareergirl.com

Thanks for all of your responses to my tweet/facebook message! I received a lot of great questions and will be answering each of them in detail.  Keep on submitting your career questions to me at nicole@mscareergirl.com.  Here’s today’s!

We have career fair here at my college next week and I was wondering what your thoughts are/ personal experience is with events like career fair. I would love any tips or strategy you have on attending a career fair or similar event. -Kaitlyn

Kaitlyn brings up a GREAT topic that a lot of college students are wondering about.  Career Fairs are…well, interesting.  Here are 3 ways to prep for a career fair.  Stay tuned as there will be a “part 2″ to this question about “what to say at a career fair.”

Do your Due Diligence and Have a Plan

The worst thing you can do at a career fair is show up in a black suit and have no idea of where you’re going or what you want.  Some firms will have very long lines.  Others will have stringent hiring requirements with no room for negotiation.  And, don’t forget about the smaller firms you haven’t heard of! You could easily pass by your dream firm by not knowing they exist.

Have a clear picture of who will be at the career fair.  Get the list of attendees out and start narrowing down which companies you’d like to talk to.  Research field of study and GPA requirements and consider cutting the firms which you are a far cry from being hired at.  Rank the firms you feel are best for YOU (not for your friends or significant other!!), KNOW SOMETHING ABOUT EACH COMPANY BEFORE YOU GO UP AND SPEAK TO ITS RECRUITERS and plan out your route with the map and the time schedule provided.  Don’t be the student who goes up to a recruiter and says, “so what does your firm do?”

Dress to Impress

Ladies who have been through sorority recruitment know how important attire is at a recruiting event.  No, it’s not so you can look richer or more popular than everyone else.  It’s so that the recruiters have a better chance of remembering you among a sea of qualified, yet blandly dressed, students.  I always laugh at how hard college students and recent grads (including myself a few years ago) work at blending in with everyone else.  And, although you do still need to wear a suit to a career fair, blending in is not necessarily a good strategy.

Black, white, navy and blue suits are OK… but- believe it or not- recruiters LIKE candidates with a personality!  News Flash! You do not have to wear a white collared shirt under a black suit to get a job after college.

Add some type of “sparkle” to your outfit.  Luckily, women have several ways of doing this:  wear one memorable accessory- perhaps a multi-strand necklace, a scarf, fun earrings, a blouse with great fabric, a bright colored shirt underneath your suit or a headband.  Stay professional but don’t lose your personality.

Oh and ladies- make sure your nails are in check.  Either wear nail polish or don’t.  Chipping hot green nail polish is not ideal for a career fair.

3 Things you should bring to a career fair

1. Bring way more resumes than you think you will need (printed on thick paper) and store them in a professional portfolio. Yes, you do need to buy a professional portfolio (even if you have to charge it on your credit card!).  These are your marketing materials and they have to look good!
2. Bring your own business cards. Most other students won’t do this because they are too afraid it is “weird” or nerdy.  Yes, you may be in the minority here and that’s exactly the point!  Your business card is how you put your contact information right into a recruiter’s pocket (rather than putting your resume right into a huge pile of nothingness).  Feel free to make the card your favorite color and to put your blog and social media info on there if it fits your desired profession (PR, marketing, technology, etc.).  Include a “tagline” for yourself as a candidate showing what you can offer to a prospective employer- give them a reason to contact you.
3. Consider bringing a bag that is big enough to collect flyers and marketing garb that the companies will be giving away. You’d be surprised how many promotional trinkets you will collect by the end of a career fair.

And for the most important thing?

What to say at a career fair

This topic deserves its own post.  Stay tuned for part 2!

Who is on your board of directors?

A board of directors typically means, “a group of persons chosen to govern the affairs of a corporation or other large institution.” Do you think of yourself as your own corporation? If not, you should.

Every young professional needs a board of directors. Yes, I said directors. For example:

1. “Friend” mentors
2. Workplace mentors
3. “Big-Gun” Mentors: company/industry leaders you admire
4. Peer Mentors

The Go-Getter Girl’s Guide points out these interesting facts from Catalyst, the leading non-profit research and advisory organization for women in business:

56% of female senior executives said having an influential mentor or sponsor was important to their career success.

Over 69% of those with mentors were promoted, compared with 49% of those with no mentors. In addition, the greater number of mentors that respondents currently had, the greater the number of promotions they received.

When reaching out to those who you’d like to be your mentor, keep in mind that they probably have a very limited amount of time. They will not be your best friend, you will not call them after a tough day, and it is rare if you get to hang out with them regularly. Rather, lean on your mentors for big decisions such as deciding between job A and B, considering a career change or dealing with an unusual situation at work.

A simple email is a great way to start. Keep it brief. Give your background and education in a few sentences, briefly tell the person why you admire their work and how it inspired you. Then simply ask if the person would be willing to chat with you for ten minutes about their expertise/career/knowledge of opportunities/experiences or whatever you need.

Do you have mentors? How have your mentors helped you in your career?

Do you feel that mentors are especially important for women considering we often like to discuss before making big decisions?

Your homework this week is to reach out to someone new, pay them a compliment and begn a dialogue with them. Get over being uncomfortable. You have nothing to lose. People love talking about themselves and helping others. And if they don’t respond? Move on to another mentor and don’t take it personally. Let us know how this goes!

Many twentysomethings’ biggest career fear and biggest career barrier is schmoozing.

Yes, you have to schmooze.

If you’ve been following our Go Getter Girl’s Guide series, you read last week’s post about creating your own luck. How can you create your own luck if you aren’t meeting new people, planting seeds, making connections, demonstrating your talents, and asking others for advice? You can’t.

Chapter 4 of The Go-Getter Girl’s Guide is called “How to Schmooze.” I happen to love schmoozing. To me, schmoozing is about talking to others, seeing what makes the other person tick, asking questions, seeing that person light up about their passions, and connecting them with others who can be helpful. Since I’m passionate about schmoozing, I’m going to give my own interpretation about this VERY important topic.

Let’s clear up a common misconception first: Schmoozing does not equal an obnoxious, self-absorbed and self-centered sales pitch. You are not giving a hard sell of yourself. In fact, great “schmoozer’s” don’t really talk about themselves at all. Schmoozing does not mean that every conversation is to sell your product or service or to land a new job. Sometimes, it’s just a nice little conversation that is not intended to be anything more.

Here’s an example:

Nicole spots adorable woman in cute suit, killer shoes, and a confident stride.

Nicole: I absolutely love your suit and I had to tell you! I’ve been looking for a cute skirt suit like that!

Woman: Oh thanks! I wasn’t sure if it was too fun for this event, so I’m glad you like it.

Nicole: Oh absolutely. Show your personality off! It’s our biggest asset, right?! By the way, I’m Nicole. (extends hand for a shake)

Woman: Hi, I’m Ellie.

Nicole: What do you do Ellie?

Woman: Responds.

From here…

I’d ask several questions about her profession including how she got into her field, what types of projects she’s working on now, and maybe even where she’s from. My goal is to learn about her, get her excited and find out things we have in common.

I’d also pay compliments (only genuine ones) if they were appropriate, and exchange business cards if the situation was relevant.

I’d try to keep the conversation about Ellie as much as possible and learn about her.

Schmoozing is not meant to be a source of anxiety. In fact, if you start with a genuine compliment, it’s a pretty natural conversation from there.

Other schmoozing notes:

If someone else joins the conversation, be sure to do the “sorority recruitment transition.” Remember that one sorority girls? Example: your acquaintence Susan walks up to your conversation with Ellie. “Hey Susan! This is Ellie. Ellie is the advertising director at ABC Magazine and actually graduated from Wisconsin, just like you! Susan is the social media manager at XYZ Consumer Goods. We were just talking about how much we love living in Chicago.” From here, it becomes easy to pull Susan into the conversation without missing a beat.

Great topics for conversation: current events, movies, fashion, books, TV shows, new restaurants, recent/upcoming vacations, sports, weather.

Bad topics: anything too personal and anything negative! Avoid this!!!!

It’s ok to leave the conversation before it dies. You can say something like, “Ellie, it was great meeting you! I am going to go grab a drink. Good luck with your upcoming move!”

If the idea of schmoozing makes you want to hide under a rock, The Go-Getter Girl’s Guide recommends creating a simple action plan. Here are a few things that can be premeditated:

Define three specific people or types of people you want to speak to.

What three questions would you like to ask each type of person?

What three current “nuggets” would you like to discuss?

So there you have it, Nicole’s guide to schmoozing.

Do you feel that schmoozing is a requirement in advancing your career, confidence and contacts? How have you used schmoozing in your own life? What other helpful tips would you give to girls who fear schmoozing?

Post 2 of The Go-Getter Girl’s Guide series is about expanding your circle.

First, let’s start by reviewing a few career myths (which you need to start accepting as myths!):

Successful people just got lucky.

Successful people always know exactly what they are doing.

Successful people are so talented in their field that they never needed others to help them get to the top.

Loose acquaintances are not helpful in achieving professional success.

WRONG!

Now let’s correct these myths:

1. Go-Getter Girl’s all have one thing in common: they are constantly expanding their circle. Why should you do this? Because expanding your circle means you can create your own luck. Chapter 3 of the book gives several great examples of how expanding your circle will lead you to “luck” and career success. I have several examples of how it has helped me in my life (including getting my current job). How has expanding your circle helped you create your own luck? Do you believe that successful people just got lucky? Do tell.

2. Successful people are actually the ones who have become comfortable being uncomfortable. Recent grads listen up: yes you have a solid four year degree you worked your ass off for. That doesn’t mean you’re going to know everything (or anything) once you get into your first few jobs. The career newbie who learns how to sit down and figure it out without asking is the one who will rise to the top.

Also, get comfortable with uncomfortable conversations with colleagues, clients, superiors, and those you meet in your community- those conversations will undoubtedly lead you to good things. What uncomfortable situations have you been in at work? How did it help your confidence and progress?

3. Direct quote from Chapter 3: “EVERYONE needs to seek out resources and support to get to the next level.” Yes, I said everyone. This is why you need mentors- diverse mentors even who will guide you. How many mentors do you have? How did you meet them?

4. According to Chapter 3, “loose acquaintances” are the most helpful in your quest for professional or financial success. Family and friends are fabulous but at some point they are limited in what they can help you with. With each new person you meet, you are being exposed to a whole new network and a new set of experiences. Simply asking an acquaintance for an introduction or recommendation goes a very long way. Several examples of this are given in the book. When is the last time you emailed an acquaintance just to say hello and touch base? When is the last time you asked for something from them?

In conclusion, successful Go-Getter Girls are curious creatures. They act on their curiosity in order to learn new things and meet new people. They know that they need others to help them get to success. Therefore, they are constantly expanding their circle- whether it be at the nail salon, walking into a manager‘s office to introduce themselves or at the dog park. They continually scout out new info with a professional purpose.

How have you created your own luck by expanding your circle?

What do you feel is more of a factor in career success: raw talent or expanding your circle?

I received a package from the fabulous GL Hoffman on Saturday with two books and a very nice hand written note. GL is the founder of the revolutionary job site Linkup.com and of the blog, What Would Dad Say. He thought I’d really enjoy reading Debra Shigley‘s “The Go-Getter Girl’s Guide,” and he was so right!

I haven’t been able to put this book down and therefore I will be doing a series of weekly blog posts on exceptionally useful chapters for you “Go-Getter Girls.”

I’m going to start by reviewing Chapter 2 which is titled “The Work World Can Be a Cold, Hard Place- You Must Learn to Deal with It.” This title alone made me so happy. For once no one is sugar coating the truth, telling you to go to HR, or saying that they are wrong and you are right. Sure, your co-workers might be jealous, catty and ridiculous but why should you care?

Here are the major takeaways from Chapter 2:

There are a hundred reasons why your co-workers may not like you. Stop focusing on WHY and instead make it your motivator to keep moving your career forward. Do all of your co-workers like YOU? Do you feel tension at the office? How will this new way of thinking help you?

There might be some truth in your colleagues critiques. You are NOT at the top, so there is probably some truth in what they are saying. LISTEN.

Fake it ’till you make it, sister! Walk in the office each day like you “won the lottery.” That feeling will get you through the tough days.

Again, not every person at work is going to like you.

Be prepared when going into a meeting that may result in mean spirited attacks disguised as feedback. Keep the meeting on track and if things get off course, offer to schedule a different time to discuss those issues.

Your “friends” at work aren’t necesarily your friends. In some industries, they may be your competition. Keep that in mind so you aren’t surprised if they undermine you or disappoint you. Have you ever been “double crossed” by a co-worker that you thought was your friend?

DO NOT GOSSIP EVER- NO EXCUSES! Politely deflect and after a few times people will stop bitching to you. This is a tough one. What tips would you have for other girls on how to handle and avoid gossip?

In the same respect, stop bitching to your cubicle mate- save that for your friends and family after work hours.

Try your hardest not to ever cry at work. If it does happen, don’t obsess over it. Pretend it didn’t happen and move on. Have you lost it at work? How did you deal?

Ladies, I’d love to hear about situations like this that have happened to you. Do you think Debra’s advice is too harsh?