Sometimes you just have to take a few minutes to to stop and check out where you are, where you’re going and where you want to be.

In honor of the beautiful weather on Wednesday, two of my best friends and I enjoyed an impromptu gathering at Chicago’s finest Mexican and margarita establishment (for those of you who live in Chicago, I’m sure you agree that Blue Agave is really something else). 

My friend Whitney just started a new job at an amazing company that is very focused on personal development for their employees.  As a requirement, each employee must fill out a detailed form which maps out their 10 year vision and goals in several categories.  The CEO of the company reads every single employee’s 10 year vision.

I could go on and on about how wonderful I think this is from a corporate perspective.  Since when does a huge company actually care about YOU, the front line employee, and where you want to go in your life?  And not only does the company care, the CEO cares!  I can only imagine how much more innovative the company is in serving their target market and creating better products because of these visions.  I’d guess that the employees have the highest level of job satisfaction, brand evangelism and retention because of this company’s value for individuality.

So naturally as we started sipping on our margaritas, we couldn’t help but talk about our ten year visions.  This activity was not hard for me in the least.  I quickly spouted off what I saw for myself in terms of my career, lifestyle, family, relationship, etc. 

Which is ironic, because I am not a planner AT ALL.  Like not even a little bit.  I function on the LTF operating system: work your butt off every single day, love what you do, family first and leave it to fate.  I feel that everything happens for a reason.  When I look back on past experiences, even those which were not pleasant, they always led me to a better place or where I am today.  You can argue with me on this one, but just remember that we all have a choice on how to see things.

Our other friend at the table was terrified by this activity.  The mere thought of it practically gave her an anxiety attack.  She is the biggest planner in our group of friends (you should have seen how mad she was at us during the Chicago marathon last year  because we didn’t have a plan!).  She didn’t want to write something down and then be disappointed if it didn’t turn out that way. 

I can tell you first hand that fate was good to her in foiling some of her earlier life plans (I’m sure we can ALL relate to this).   She is exactly where she should be, she is SO happy and she is living a completley different life than she would’ve expected when we met almost 10 years ago.

So maybe the lesson is to stop planning all together.  Or maybe we should set targets and understand that there are a thousand different ways to get to that target.  Or perhaps we should focus more on our top values and know that staying true to those values will lead us down the right path.  What do YOU think?

Am I the weird one here, or is this activity scary for a lot of people?  Do you believe in writing down a 10 year vision? 

For the young professionals out there who email me every day because they aren’t sure what type of career they want to pursue, I challenge you to sit down and try to fill out a 10 year vision for yourself.  It will be like weight lifting for your brain.  Fill it out as if you had no limits: money isn’t an issue and nor are other peoples’ judgements.  Take your college major out of the equation.  Write down your dream life and see what it reveals to you about where you are right now.

To prove that fate is good to us, I will share some of the amazing career stories I’ve received as part of my book research in a follow up post.  You would be shocked at where people started and where they are now in their lives.  All of the stories had much happier endings than where they began.

What’s your 10 year vision?

If you are up for the challenge, here are some of the things on the form Whitney sent us:

• What is your ideal life in terms of: career, income, net worth, home(s), geography, lifestyle, health, family, relationship, education.
• What are your top 3 values?  Some ideas listed are: entrepreneur, fun, passion, leadership, development, balance, diversity, family, recognition, integrity, legacy, patience, growth, achievement, creativity, knowledgeable, wealth, quality, courage.
• If success is a combination of what you are good at, passion and how you make money, how would you describe each of the three categories of success for yourself?
• Set some goals in each of the categories above once you determine a general vision.  These goals can be as specific or general as you want. 

My hope is that envisioning your ideal life in 10 years will serve as a map to get you there.  Maps aren’t always accurate, there are often many pit stops and unexpected detours along the way, but you can’t go anywhere unless you know where you are going.

I hope you all had a great weekend!  The weather here in Chicago was beautiful.  The highlights of my weekend include:

• Putting on a very fun “Social Media 101″ workshop in the suburbs where I met lots of great people.
• Indulging in Mari Luangrath’s “Foiled Cupcakes.”  They beat out any fancy-schmancy $80 dozen of city cupcakes (i.e. More and Swirlz).  Unbelievable.  AND they deliver to anywhere in the Chicagoland area for less than your first born child.
• My friend Mark proposed to my friend Meredith! Seriously, a match made in heaven.  We got to celebrate at an over-the-top suite at the Trump with all of their friends and family- all of this a surprise to Meredith!
• A funny trip to the dog beach with Giada.  You’ve never seen more breeds of dogs (or humans) in one place.

And now it’s Monday- time to get back to getting tons done with a smile on your face.  Here are some great posts that may help you start to see your self-created roadblocks and start to overcome them this week.

Give Up In this post, Dave Navarro asks you to think of something in your life that you can’t stand.  Then he bluntly tells you that it’s kind of your fault that it’s still in your life.  Are you playing the victim?  Are you saying “I don’t have time, I’m too shy, I’m too fat”? You don’t have to tell us, but admit it to yourself. This is one of those posts that takes a bit of time to absorb.  It’s also a post that not everyone will like.

Top 10 Myths of Self Improvement THANK YOU!

Long Term Productivity means Looking After Yourself Thank you Ali for writing about taking care of yourself when pushing yourself to stay productive.  This is something I’m trying to do right now amidst my crazy work load.  I figure that even if I have to give up a few hours a day to get enough sleep and work out on occasion, I will be able to keep this work engine going longer without crashing.  Also, I’ve identified the things that sap my energy and those that give me energy.  I feel finding your energy sources and killers is crucial.  What do you do to re-energize in order to stay productive?  I could use your tips!

A Request from a Hypocritical Chicken Shit This post is from one of Ms. Career Girl’s regular readers and commenters, Eran.  She’d like you to hold her accountable to her entrepreneurial goals.  She also confesses something that most of us have probably faced at one time or another: we only like to do things we are good at.  As you probably know by now, my theme for 2010 is “get comfortable being uncomfortable.”  The Social Media 101 workshop this weekend was one way that I “got comfortable being uncomfortable.” Now that I’ve lead a workshop once, I’m totally confident about doing it again.  What have you stayed away from because you were afraid you wouldn’t be “good at”?  Have you missed out on an opportunity because you were afraid you wouldn’t be good at it?

Taking a Stand Being a blogger puts your opinions and personal brand at risk of being challenged.  This is just “part of the job.”  How opinionated should one get and how much of their views should they expose?  Would you be willing to miss out on a new job because you stated your opinion on something controversial?  Have you been cut down online?  If so, how did you deal with it?

It’s almost the end of 1st quarter already-whoa!  For those of you in sales- good luck hitting your numbers during the next week or so.  For accountants- our thoughts are with you during busy season.

Many of us started 2010 with a few goals 

We wanted to make this year better than the last.  We wanted to lose weight, pay down our debt, quit smoking, get a new job, etc.  How are you doing on your personal 2010 goals? Have you lost sight of these goals completely?  Have you “quit” your goals? 

You’ve all heard it before, “insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.”  It’s funny how we never think of ourselves as insane but, according to this definition, most of us are.

This year I had to face my own insanity and break the madness.  I’m hell bent on achieving my #1 goal: paying OFF my debt.  I imagine my battle with debt (although still well below that of the average American’s) is similar to those who battle with their weight.  It is very psychological and at times hard to control. 

The Change Process That Has worked for me

I’ve used the following process to help me make a big change in my life.  It can easily be applied to losing weight, saving money, or searching for a new job.   So far it’s working really well for me. 

Confession to yourself.  It started with looking at the number instead of ignoring it.  Really facing it.  Hating it, but facing it. 

Confession to Accountability Partners.  My anxiety was eating me alive, so I finally told my parents, boyfriend and best friend the number-all parties are strongly against keeping balances on credit cards.  Confessing was where it really began for me. 

Now I have a team of cheerleaders encouraging me to “get ‘er done”!  Plus, I can’t suddenly appear with new things and go out all the time anymore because they are watching.  It’s also easier for them to understand when I have to say no to stay within the budget.

At the end of each month I check in with Katie and tell her how much I paid off, and what I did good and bad. It has led to much progress.

Taking Action. I only had 3 credit cards, and I cut them up one by one.  It was really hard for me to let go of that last one.  It was my security blanket.  So my boyfriend cut it up while I wasn’t looking…

Getting used to discomfort.  I’m not cut out for credit cards.  I never bought anything too extreme when I did use one, just some trips to TJMaxx, Target, and those “but it was on sale!!” purchases that add up over time. 

Thanks to my credit card, I had never allowed myself to feel the discomfort of saying NO.  Crazy, isn’t it?  The more I face the discomfort, the easier it gets.  I still don’t like it, but now I can tolerate it.  I think getting used to discomfort is the best thing you can do for your life, your career and your goals.

Create systems that work for you.  I’m on a cash only system now.   Who wants to shop en masse with cash?  No one.  If I get tempted, it’s easy to look in your wallet and say, “I truly cannot buy this.”

I stay out of stores.  Sometimes this requires closing my eyes while walking past (you should see all the awesome stores around my office-they are my enemies).  I know, it’s ridiculous but its true.

I also plan  far ahead.  Again, so basic but something I wasn’t doing.  I always figured it would “work itself out.”  I spent a lot on gifts and said yes to every dinner invitation. Not anymore.  I have to plan ahead for my hair appointments, wedding gifts and car maintenance. 

Make sacrifices.  I decided to move out of my 25th floor Gold Coast apartment to move into a less glamorous neighborhood with Katie. I’m doing this because it is helping me reach my goal faster.  It is also a factor of admitting that what I was doing wasn’t working.

Rinse and Repeat. With the help of your cheerleaders and a bit of focus, you will get comfortable being uncomfortable.  Being uncomfortable is what leads you to change.  Create systems that don’t allow you to fail.  Keep it up over time.  Review (and celebrate!) your progress regularly.

Let us hold you accountable

• What were your 2010 goals? 
• What systems did you create for yourself to avoid temptation and falling back into your old habits?
• Are you afraid of changing in order to get yourself to where you want to be?
• If you fell off the wagon this year, why did you?  Do you plan on getting back to your goals?

Dear Apartment Gods, 

Please, oh please let us find a dog-friendly 2 bed/2 bath within walking distance of the L. We’d like parking included. We also wouldn’t mind granite counter tops, stainless steel appliances and wood floors…equal sized bedrooms and new bathrooms…oh yeah, and keep us way under budget and within 4 block s of the park. 

With Love, Nicole & Katie

I’m moving.   

First let me say that apartment shopping is a HUGE pain in the butt. While I have loved seeing Katie almost every day for the past two weeks, along with the past two Sunday mornings (not a pretty sight), I’d prefer not to see her under these circumstances. 

If you can imagine it, our apartment search consists of us driving the wrong way down one-way streets, relying way too heavily on my iPhone map to navigate our new neighborhood (which quite frankly is embarrassing considering we have lived here for 4 years), getting lost again, being scared to get out of the car at places listed as a “great deal!”, jumping into car after working with someone who had quite possibly used illegal substances right before our appointment, (there’s no doubt that guy HATED us)…you get the idea.

We know exactly what we want.  But finding it is another story.

We find a place with the space we want, but it is 150 years old and falling apart.  We find a gorgeous place that is modern and in the perfect location, but one bedroom is as big as a closet and doesn’t have a window. 

I think if I’ve learned one thing over the past year, it’s that you just can’t have it all.

Perhaps this is a simple concept to most, but it wasn’t for me.  I really thought you could “have it all” in an apartment, in a job, and in just about everything else. 

Perhaps you are your own worst enemy, striving to have it all in a world where “perfect” just doesn’t exist.

My apartment search has mirrored that of job seeking and one’s career: it is almost impossible to find the whole package without a flaw.  And at some point, you just have to pick one and go from there.

Letting go of perfection is bound to give you a happier and more fulfilling life and career.  Embrace the imperfections.  Give up on having it all.  Live the life you imagined and have fun doing it!

My favorite dating book of all time is called “Why Men Love Bitches.”  Girls, you need to get this book.  Guys, pretend you didn’t read that first sentence.  I don’t want you to know all of our secrets.

The subtitle of this book is called “From Doormat to Dreamgirl-A Woman’s Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship.”  The word bitch is not a bad word in the eyes of author Sherry Argov.  Bitch stands for “Babe In Total Control of Herself.” Sherry argues that doing what you want to do, living your own life and avoiding traditionally female emotional drama is the best way to win a man’s heart for the long haul.

This book just so happens to be my dating Bible.  Yet since my boyfriend is working from the Chicago office for the first time in 6 months (he usually works in L.A. during the week) I’ve been a little too excited.  My house is clean, his dry cleaning is done, the fridge is stocked, dinner is cooked, etc.

Then yesterday he dropped a bomb on me: he said I was being too nice and that it was a bit much.

WHAT?! The poster child for “Why Men Love Bitches” is being too nice?!  I’ve never heard such a thing from anyone I’ve ever dated.  In fact, quite the contrary.  Usually people tell me to BE NICE!

I’ve seen and heard variations of this story happening to people at work. The difference is that at work, you probably won’t receive the direct feedback of someone telling you you are being too nice.

Yesterday’s events served as a great reminder not to be too nice.  Being too nice can be detrimental to your career and how your co-workers see you. In order to get promoted, you need to be seen as unshakable: focused, clear minded, fact based.  You need to command respect.

Here’s how you can apply the rules of dating to your job

• Be in total control of yourself.  Don’t let your anger or emotions get the best of you.
• Don’t say yes to everything.
• Don’t immediately say “sorry.”  Only use that word when you need too.
• Don’t feed into your boss’s bad moods.  Instead give him or her space and stick to the facts when communicating.
• Don’t say anything about “having a talk.”
• Don’t start conversations with “I feel.” Instead, start with facts.
• Don’t let them assume you will always be there.
• Take the time off that is given to you.
• Set boundaries and stick to them.
• Don’t do everything for your co-workers. You will start to be seen as a gopher instead of a smart and talented employee.

What other rules of dating do you think can be applied to your job?

Do you think Sherry Argov’s dating advice is too harsh?

Why does every guy I know love Family Guy?