Many women are in the business of pleasing others. Sometimes this is a wonderful thing.  Other times, our “pleasing disease” is the reason we get ourselves into trouble.

For example, have you ever mistakenly told two or more people you could meet with them on the same day knowing it was going to be a tight squeeze?  How did it turn out?  Have you ever had a gut feeling that you should say no to taking on another freelance client, but said yes because you liked the person so much? 

A few years ago I had 3 weddings in one weekend and RSVP’d yes to all of them.  None of the weddings were in the same city.  I ended up missing one of the weddings which was a much worse result than just RSVPing with a “no” in the first place.

The “pleasing disease” spreads into all of the important areas of women’s lives.  Ever wonder how those women who “do it all” seem to get it done?  Busy women like these know that if they want to grow and get it all done, they’ll need to learn to stop trying to please everyone.  As the Economic 101 gods would say, “we are only given a limited amount of time and resources”; saying yes to everything is not a way to conserve it!

The “pleasing disease” only leads to resentment which, in my opinion, is the beginning of almost all interpersonal disasters. 

I thought long and hard about this bad habit in my own life and realized that if I had only set clear boundaries and  “pressed pause,” I could’ve shifted away from over-committal or doing things I didn’t truly want to do.  It’s so easy to get sucked in to the excitement of the moment or the positive energy of the person in front of you.  In the end, if you are only committing in order to “please” you aren’t doing anyone any good.

This week’s challenge…

Practice saying “let me get back to you” over the next week before committing, making plans or attempting to please someone else.  Let there be “white space,” an awkward pause or whatever it takes to make sure you’re really committing to a decision that is right for you and for the other party.

• How has over committing affected your friendships, relationships and work life?
• Is pleasing others a natural tendency of yours?  How do you work at overcoming it? 
• Have you ever been in a situation where your good intentions of pleasing someone actually turned out to be bad?

I’ve been in a fight with my anxiety for a long time now.

I first started noticing it in high school when I was busting ass to get into the top 25% of my 800 person class , trying to rock my classes and get a decent score on the ACT. I had to get into my top choice school, Miami of Ohio, and focus was never my strong point.

I ruined every family vacation growing up thanks to my incarcerating anxiety. Whether we were shopping for a prom dress while on vacation in Florida or eating a meal at an unhealthy restaurant in South Carolina, I always found something to be anxious and worried about. God bless my family for their patience (and for still traveling with me).

College came and then, afterward, I started my career and did my stint of dating guys that weren’t right for me. My anxiety was definitely NOT my friend during these times. In fact, it started to take a staring role in my life.  My days consisted of a racing heart, paranoia, shaking, lack of sleep, having to step away during work to take deep breaths among many other uncomfortable symptoms.

Thankfully, my anxiety is now under control and livable (I am forever grateful to you my dear pharmaceutical company!).  But let’s be honest, it will never be totally gone.  And I’m very grateful for that.  

As some of you have gathered, I really like working. This runs in my family. If I don’t have a “passion project,” a book to read (or write!), a presentation to give, a class to take, a new business idea to toss around or a person to meet in addition to my day job, I’m completely lost. I don’t really watch TV- I just can’t go that long without intellectual stimulation.

Although my anxiety level is no longer the leading lady in my life, it is the engine that fuels my career.

My anxiety (or maybe we should call it energy?) keeps me working hard, meeting people, learning new skills and diversifying my experiences. This engine is my “career insurance policy,” and my career’s “portfolio diversification strategy.”Without anxiety, I’d probably be sitting on the couch every night after work with no major accomplishemnts to reflect my time. I’d also have nothing to catch me if life didn’t go according to plan.

I’m so glad I didn’t listen to the boyfriends and people who said I was “way too young to take life so seriously” or that I “work too much” and should “relax and enjoy my life.” Well people, I’m happy to report that I couldn’t be enjoying my life more than I am right now. The people I’ve met, the things I’ve learned and the opportunities ahead of me would not exist had it not been for my high “anxiety” level.

As they say, “when you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.”  Today I encourage you to pick one of your major weaknesses and look at it as a strength instead!  Embrace the unique insanity that is you.

• What characteristic(s) did you formerly view as a hindrence but now view as a blessing? For example, maybe you started life out as calm and shy and now you realize it has made you a great observer and a serious asset in times of disaster. Maybe you were the class clown and now it makes you a top sales person.

• Was there a specific event that made you realize your “weakness” was actually a strength?

• Do you feel your teachers did a good job of developing students’ strengths?

• What did people tell you about yourself that you no longer believe is true?

I made a mistake at work last week.

I did not miscalculate my numbers.  I did not break procedure. I was simply going way too fast.

We’ve all been there before: it’s a super busy afternoon, and all of a sudden a bunch of requests come in at once.  This happens minutes before the system is about to close which is also about the same time your afternoon reports are due.  On top of it, you’ve covering some accounts you are unfamiliar with for one of your co-workers who is out. 

I’ve written before about making mistakes at work.  In fact, that post brought some of you to this very site after you messed up at work and immediately Googled how to handle it (thanks for sticking around Aimee!).

But my previous mistakes seem minor in retrospect,  because I don’t think I really understood the magnitude that a little mistake can have on you, your department, your clients, etc. 

Mistakes are meant to be reality checks.  They are also meant so that you never make them again.  Lastly, they are meant to teach you something about yourself.

This may sound obvious, but the older I get the more I realize that little things are big things at work.  When I first graduated college, I felt that details were not that important.  It was more about the “big picture” (whatever that meant!).

But now I know that missing a little detail can ruin the big picture.  Immediately.

Consistency is Key

One of the best things an entry-level employee (or really any employee) can do is be consistent.  It is in part consistency in your attitude, but also your reliablility.  You want people to know where they stand with you and that they can expect you to do things correctly and in a timely way.

Think about the little things we do every day: we buy a latte, we go to the grocery store, we  go to the gym.  What happens if your barista makes you the wrong drink on occasion, the grocery store forgets to put a few of your grocery bags in your cart or your gym is out of clean towels?  Small details?  Not to the customer.  My guess is that you probably won’t be a patron of these establishments for long.

If you’re missing the small details, should your employer keep patronizing you? Today there’s an educated and capable person on every corner to waiting take your job.  If there is ever a time to slow down, stay consistent and pay attention to the details it’s right now.

I know for a fact that this little mistake reinforced the importance of the little things at work.  It showed me that focus is really important so much that us ADHD multi-tasker types need to change our ways.  Lastly, I’ve shifted gears from placing value on the quantity of work I can get done and instead focus on the quality.

What are your Work Mistake Confessions?

Have you ever made a mistake at work that made you re-think your daily routine? 

• What did you learn from your mistake?
• How did making a mistake change your perspective on your job?
• Was your first thought ever to blame someone else?
• Did you identify a bad habit after making mistake such as, trying to do too much, answering every client call in the middle of important transactions, trying to get your work done as fast as possible, saying yes to others before you finish your own work?

“Make your life one giant networking event.” ~Dan Schawbel

I graduated college in May 2009 and it wasn’t until I let go of the idea that I needed to spend all day every day looking for work and well, start working, that I began getting job leads. It’s the NUMBER ONE rule of the job hunt – make looking for a job your permanent job. 9 to 5, seven days a week.

Except is that really the best way to find work? Is the best way to network and find job leads to shout from the rooftops that you’re for hire? What if you were passive? What if you spent half that time actively job searching and the other half actually working? Working how, you ask? Temping and freelancing my friends, temping and freelancing.

We all know that the best way to get a job is through contacts. The way to make contacts is through networking. The best way to network is not to hand out your business cards with wild abandon at miscellaneous events serving punch or cold call every person you’ve never met; the best way is to actually show people what you’re made of.

Without a full time permanent job, finding temporary and freelance work are the best ways to show your worth. They put you in touch with people in your industry, build your portfolio and make it possible to can eat on a regular basis. What’s not to love?

For those of you not looking for a permanent job, this article is still for you. All of us could use extra cash to pay off debts, open up a savings account and/or start something entrepreneurial. Personally, I like shoes.

So let’s take a little look-see at how to go about this:

Freelancing

Many people don’t see freelancing as an option because there’s this mentality that you’re either a freelancer or you’re not. But you can take a project here and there for the reasons I mention above. Getting freelance work through friends, using Craigslist and contacting your dream company directly puts great companies (who may not be hiring full time but do need a relevant project taken care of) on your resume, generates contacts and builds up an impressive portfolio.

My favorite ways to find freelance work:

• Craigslist – While it may be the ultimate site of all things spammy, Craigslist actually has some great freelance resources. Use the search function for keywords on jobs you might like to do.

• LinkedIn – This site is one of my favorites because it’s a super fast way to connect with everyone you’ve ever met and take them straight to your resume. Also, the LinkedIn Answers section is the best way to highlight your expertise on any given subject. I can’t tell you how many projects I’ve landed because I rock out solving other people’s problems. Try and answer 1 to 2 questions every day in your field and watch your contacts grow…

• Word of mouth – I know, a little 18th century, but it’s still the best way to advertise. Enlist family and friends to spread the word. However, it does help if you have friends.

• Offer free work – THIS DOES NOT MEAN INTERN. Don’t start doing a 9 to 5 copying job masking as a “learning experience.” No, offer to write an article/guest post, consult on a project or give a free seminar. People love free, but it doesn’t mean you need to lower your standards.

• Check out Freelance Switch – One of the best websites out there for freelancers, helping you stay organize, land more work and provides even more excellent resources.

And at the end of the day, you might find you like freelancing best and decide not to take a permanent position at all!

Temping

Temporary jobs are great. They keep you busy when you’re ready to tear your hair out, add to your resume to give you experience, gives you a chance to prove yourself, can possibly turn into a permanent position and allows you the chance to network and gain referrals. And according to the American Staffing Association (ASA), around 18% of temp jobs a year turn into permanent positions.

To avoid wasting your time, try and hone in on the industry you’d eventually like to be in full time. Because you’d otherwise be spending all your time looking for work anyway, hold out for a cool project you’d really like to work on. Aim to work with temp agencies that cater to your industry.

Here’s a really fabulous post on how to get and keep a temp job.

A Note!!!

I want to reiterate that freelance and temp work are not synonymous with internship. I’m in no way suggesting you should take an internship while you “wait” for the perfect job to waltz on by. I have a pretty public hatred of internships as they’re are really just glorified assistants jobs, so you might as well get paid for the work you’d be doing anyway. Many temp agencies can set you up with part-time gigs in the field of your choice and being a paid employee of a company is always more impressive than being an intern. This also gets around not having the “mandatory” internship on your resume.

Instead, become an expert: Read the top publications in your field, get books, watch webinars, make friends with bloggers – not only does this create contacts and integrates you into the professional community, but slowly establishes you as an expert (basically, all the things you can get from an internship).

Hopefully by now you all realize people hire people, and best way to meet those people is through helping them out.