My favorite dating book of all time is called “Why Men Love Bitches.”  Girls, you need to get this book.  Guys, pretend you didn’t read that first sentence.  I don’t want you to know all of our secrets.

The subtitle of this book is called “From Doormat to Dreamgirl-A Woman’s Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship.”  The word bitch is not a bad word in the eyes of author Sherry Argov.  Bitch stands for “Babe In Total Control of Herself.” Sherry argues that doing what you want to do, living your own life and avoiding traditionally female emotional drama is the best way to win a man’s heart for the long haul.

This book just so happens to be my dating Bible.  Yet since my boyfriend is working from the Chicago office for the first time in 6 months (he usually works in L.A. during the week) I’ve been a little too excited.  My house is clean, his dry cleaning is done, the fridge is stocked, dinner is cooked, etc.

Then yesterday he dropped a bomb on me: he said I was being too nice and that it was a bit much.

WHAT?! The poster child for “Why Men Love Bitches” is being too nice?!  I’ve never heard such a thing from anyone I’ve ever dated.  In fact, quite the contrary.  Usually people tell me to BE NICE!

I’ve seen and heard variations of this story happening to people at work. The difference is that at work, you probably won’t receive the direct feedback of someone telling you you are being too nice.

Yesterday’s events served as a great reminder not to be too nice.  Being too nice can be detrimental to your career and how your co-workers see you. In order to get promoted, you need to be seen as unshakable: focused, clear minded, fact based.  You need to command respect.

Here’s how you can apply the rules of dating to your job

• Be in total control of yourself.  Don’t let your anger or emotions get the best of you.
• Don’t say yes to everything.
• Don’t immediately say “sorry.”  Only use that word when you need too.
• Don’t feed into your boss’s bad moods.  Instead give him or her space and stick to the facts when communicating.
• Don’t say anything about “having a talk.”
• Don’t start conversations with “I feel.” Instead, start with facts.
• Don’t let them assume you will always be there.
• Take the time off that is given to you.
• Set boundaries and stick to them.
• Don’t do everything for your co-workers. You will start to be seen as a gopher instead of a smart and talented employee.

What other rules of dating do you think can be applied to your job?

Do you think Sherry Argov’s dating advice is too harsh?

Why does every guy I know love Family Guy?

You may have noticed that I have something exciting cooking.

I’m writing a pretty cool job search guide for college seniors and recent graduates. 

It all started because of your emails and tweets.

• Many of you share the same fears. 
• Many of you make the same mistakes when it comes to executing your job search.  These mistakes are driven by your fears. 
• I’ve also identified the #1 problem among entry-level job seekers and will show you how to overcome it.

No need to shoot yourself in the foot any longer.

You’ve spent way too much money and time on your degree to waste it sitting on the couch.  The economy is not friendly to mediocre candidates, mediocre resumes, or mediocre personal brands.  Therefore, you need to rise above the rest.  Your archaic career services office probably isn’t going to help you do that.

I’m providing a lot of info that has never been seen here on the blog.   You’ll see real strategies that work. You’ll get real templates.  I’m even including real emails that you guys have sent me.  Not all of my feedback is positive. 

Most importantly, I promise not to waste your time with a bunch of fluffy bullshit. 

You’ll also get to learn a little bit more about my story- stuff I wouldn’t share here on the blog.

here’s how you can be part of the movement:

• If you think your resume is at rock star status, email it to me. 
• If you think your resume sucks, email it to me. 
• Be prepared for me to rip it apart in the name of serious improvement.
• If you have questions you want answered in this guide, email them to me.
• If you have a job search story to tell, tell it.
• I’ll be handpicking only the BEST examples to be part of the book- real name optional.
• Hopefully you know my email address by now: nicole@mscareergirl.com

Job Search Boot Camp will be out in April.  Until then, stay tuned for lots of previews, a few giveaways and some great case studies!

The college seniors I’ve talked to lately all have one common question/concern that goes something like this:

This ridiculously Type A person I know at school said she has already applied to 37 jobs!  Am I behind because I haven’t done that yet? She has everything organized into a spreadsheet and is STILL applying…should I be doing this too?

No.  This person obviously needs to start reading my blog.  Why do I hate this girl’s “strategy”?

• It’s obvious that this person has no clue what they want to do, so they are applying to anything that is available. Lack of focus in applications is (in my opinion) the #1 problem with recent grads.  Even if you don’t know exactly what you want to do, you need to make each application seem like you do know.  Otherwise, they will move on to someone who does know what they want to do.  Make sense?
• This person is likely using huge impersonal online job boards.  99% of her applications will never be seen by a human.  Some of the positions she’s applying to probably don’t even exist because some snarky recruiter made them up.
• Applying to 5 well-researched and fitting jobs is more effective than applying to 50 jobs you don’t really care about.
• I assume if this person applied to 37 jobs, she uses a generic cover letter and resume.  Generic cover letters suck.  If I was a recruiter I’d throw these away. If the candidate isn’t willing to put effort into her application, than she probably won’t put effort into her work either.  It shows you are looking for a paycheck not a career.
• If you have to write a cover letter, write individual cover letters for each job you apply to.  One time, I got an interview by spending a long ass time on my cover letter.  I knew I was a fit for the company, they saw that in my cover letter and all mentioned it in my 4 interviews.  I ended up working there for almost 3 years.

Before you start your job search, there is a lot of prep work.  You know that saying “Ready, Aim, Fire”?  Probably not a good idea to go out of order, right?  Same applies to your job search. 

You need to prep your “marketing materials” (resume/cv) along with your marketing message (who are you, what do you want, and what value do you bring to this job). 

Step 1- READY- is figuring out what you want to do.  This is a long and tedious journey for many.  Pick something and go with it.  Craft your job search campaign around it.  Everything happens for a reason- if you end up hating your job, you can always move on down the road.  It sure beats sitting on the couch.

Step 2-AIM- is talking to people about what you want to do.  Ideally you are talking to people you know, people in the industry, or contacts you’ve made from sending a great networking email.  Usually someone knows someone.  Keep talking, going to coffee, emailing, etc.  This is more effective than shooting fish in a barrel.

Step 3-FIRE- is crafting your materials and application around what you’ve learned.  Know that you’ve talked to 5 people in your industry, you probably have a better idea of what they’re looking for and the reality of the job.  This will help you separate yourself from those who have no clue what they want to do or what they are applying for.

Since you’ve done your prep work, the quality and potential success of your job search will be much greater.  Remember not to jump the gun before you get ready.

While I was researching for this article, I found several awesome resources that will help you get  Ready, Aim, then Fire.

• 4 Tips for making the most of your LinkedIn profile
• Questions to ask BEFORE resume writing.
• 6 Ways to implement a generous job search.
• How to write your 60-second elevator pitch.
• Looking for something other than monster.com or careerbuilder.com to do your job searches on?  Check out LinkUp.com, it rocks!
• Need to organize your job search info as in what jobs you’ve applied to, what recruiters you’ve talked to or what version of your resume you sent?  Check out JibberJobber.com for help.

It’s another blog swap day! Today’s guest post is by Srinivas Rao, a personal development blogger at The Skool of Life. Srini obsesses over riding waves and finding life lessons through the sport of surfing. He is also the co-founder and host of BlogcastFM, a podcast for bloggers.  Also, check out the post I wrote about lessons I’ve learned since graduating college over at The Skool of Life today.

While you might think that perfection is success, upon closer inspection you’ll find that success is the byproduct of one imperfect failure after another. Perfection on the other hand is a word we’ve made up, we’ve given meaning to it, other people have agreed with our meaning and as a result, our fear of not being perfect keeps us from beginning the journey to success.

Last week Nicole’s post about entrepreneurial perfectionism syndrome really resonated with me. I come from a background where you are continually taught that the end goal is perfection. If I brought home an A-, I was asked why I didn’t get an A+. Our reports cards were never put on the fridge. It was just expected that we brought home A’s. But, nobody ever asked the more important question. Did you actually learn anything?

The constant mentality of compare and compete was a driving force behind how many kids in my community were raised. The fatal flaw in this however is that there will always be someone better and someone worse. In the game of life you really shouldn’t compete with anybody other than yourself. The fact of the matter is that YOU WILL NEVER BE PERFECT. But, who cares? It doesn’t matter one bit. The fallacy of perfection actually sets you up for failure.

How Set Yourself up for Massive Success

One of the most useful things I learned in Tony Robbins Personal Power II course was the idea of making it easy for yourself to feel successful. Let’s take a look at a blog as an example. Let’s say you measure the success of your blog by the amount of traffic and you decide that some arbitrary number makes you successful. Well, anytime you don’t hit that arbitrary number you give yourself the message that you are a failure. Now, what if we said “anytime I wrote a blog post, I’m successful.” It’s a minor difference, but what happens is now you are setting yourself up to feel successful and as a result you will hit a success cycle. Make it easy for yourself to feel successful. Don’t let this be confused with having low standards. This is about conditioning your mind to feel good and one small success leads to a bigger one, which leads to a bigger one, which leads to the snowball effect.

As a result of this snowball effect, your subconscious starts to get a very different message. It’s a series of successful events instead of series of failures. Try it for 30 days and you’ll be amazed how much more you accomplish and how much better you feel doing it.

The following is a guest post by Matt Cheuvront. Matt is an Internet Marketing Developer/Designer and master of ceremonies over at Life Without Pants. Follow him on Twitter to keep in touch!

You’re about to enter into the “real world”. Pretty scary stuff, I know. So far you’ve had it all planned out for you – go to class, work your part time job, out to parties on Friday, Saturday, and (sometimes) Sunday night. Life’s much easier when the road is paved ahead. And now, in a couple months, you’re going to have to take a turn off the beaten path and start “figuring it out on your own”.

To say the least, it’s no easy task. Maybe you’re like I was when I approached graduation – I had no clue what I wanted to do with my life – and it terrified me. I felt like I had done all of that school and it had provided me with no real sense of direction. In fact, I feel more confused than ever.

Or maybe you DO know exactly what you want to do, but don’t know how to get there, don’t know who to talk to or how to get your foot in the door…

In either case, this is it…Crunch time. One of those defining moments that requires a lot of hustle, a lot of dedication, and some tough skin – it’s not going to be all sunshine and rainbows, you’re going to get denied, but you’ll also, if you stick with it, find whatever it is you’re looking for.

Here are five “tips” for those of you out there about to enter the “real world”.

Don’t jump right back into school

I am not against higher education – not at all. But what I have seen time and time again is people turn to school as an escape route – not ready or willing to see what the career world has in store for them, they decide they “have to” go back for their Masters. My plea to you is simple. Think about it. Think before you take the leap and make sure that’s the direction you want to go in. Don’t assume that more school will figure everything out for you, and don’t use it to delay working a full-time job. There’s a lot to be said for self-education and life experience.

Start a blog

You will not find a bigger advocate for starting a blog – not only from a personal standpoint, but a professional one as well. Regardless of the field you are looking to get into – a blog can be your ticket to three VERY important things: Learning, networking, & skill building. By starting a blog, you put your ideas out there, and hopefully, you maintain an open mind and surround yourself with other people who are smarter than you. Learn from them – network with other bloggers – ask questions – and work on adding skills and experience to your own “resume”. Even if you don’t think you’re a great writer or think you have nothing to say – you’d be surprised what happens when you start having faith in yourself and take even a small step out of your comfort zone.

Network with everyone, everywhere

This one is simple. If there’s a networking event in your city – go to it. Grab a friend so you don’t have to feel awkward not knowing anyone. Whether it’s a professional event or a group getting together for beers, there’s never harm in getting out there and meeting new people. Go buy yourself a box of cheap business cards (or hell – make some of your own) and hand them out. Exchange e-mails, phone numbers, blog URL’s – whatever. Knowing a lot of people from diverse backgrounds is extremely important – and you never know when someone can help you out, or point you in the right direction of someone else.

Apply for jobs you are unqualified for

You’re scouring job boards, rifling through Craigslist, and everything you see is asking for 3-7 years of experience, right? Man do I know what that feels like – it’s tough to find something that’s in line with what you want, and what you think you’re worth (even coming straight out of college). The bottom line: Don’t sell yourself short – apply for jobs you aren’t technically qualified for. If nothing else, a few HR reps will probably be impressed that you’d be so bold as to even send in your resume. “Requested Experience” isn’t set in stone, and you don’t have to limit yourself to ONLY entry-level work.

Don’t be afraid to “settle”

Settling is an ugly word, isn’t it? I can’t stand it really, but I think it makes the most sense here. You’re probably reading a lot of books and blogs, talking to a lot of people like me who have “been there” recently – and they’re telling you to shoot for the stars, and accept nothing less than the absolute best.
I’m not a dream-zapper. Quite the contrary actually – I’ll be the first one to tell you that you should go out and get exactly what you want. BUT, there are also “real life” things that come into play. You’re out on your own, you have to pay the bills, and you may be supporting other people. It’s OK to take a job that isn’t 100% ideal. It’s OK to work a position that’s essentially a “just a paycheck”. Just remember these three things:

1. Money is money – and unfortunately, it’s a necessity. Never discount a good old fashioned paycheck.
2. Attitude is everything. Approach EVERY opportunity with a positive attitude, open mind, and a desire to learn SOMETHING from your experience.
3. It isn’t forever. That job you “settled” for doesn’t have to be forever – in fact, you and I know it won’t – because eventually you WILL find that amazing job you always wanted. Maybe you’ll figure out you want to be your own boss and you’ll start a company. Take the experience for what it’s worth and do everything you can to hustle and find something better.

God Speed and good luck to you my soon-to-be real-worlders. It can be a scary place out there, but luckily, there are a lot of people out there who are more than willing to help.