Embrace Change – Don’t Fear It
We all have to face different moments of change in our lives, and it’s not always easy, even when it’s a change that we actively want. It can bring a feeling of turmoil in our lives and it’s not always easy to accept or adapt to new circumstances.
Examples of life changing moments include when you first leave your parents’ home and set up on your own, when you start working once your studies are over and when you make a commitment to move in with your partner, or get married to them.
Other big changes can include starting a family, moving house or to another town or city. Generally, when it’s you that’s driving the change, you can feel positive about it, even if some aspects will worry you. However, the change that most people find hardest to deal with is when they feel that a change is being forced upon them.
Facing a midlife crisis
The phrase midlife crisis is most often used in conjunction with men – and quite often in a light-hearted, derogatory way, when a middle-aged man decides to buy a sports car or start a new hobby that might seem out of character. Even more typically, it’s when they start dating a much younger woman. But, for many people, change can bring about a feeling of crisis and it’s no laughing matter if that’s how you feel.
And it seems that women are just as likely to be affected by a midlife crisis as men and that it doesn’t always have to happen at the midpoint of life. In fact, recent evidence points to the female midlife crisis happening to some women during their thirties, although it can happen at any time. It can evolve around different sets of circumstances, depending on the individual. The common factor, though, is often when a woman faces a big change in their lives – be it connected with their career, their relationship or their children. Perhaps their children are leaving school and heading off to university, or maybe there’s a change in their work situation that they didn’t anticipate. It could be that they face difficulties in their marriage.
Facing Unwanted Change
There are some useful insights in this article on the female midlife crisis from TheCircle but the thing to bear in mind in any situation when you face unwanted change is that there are two ways to deal with it. You can either resist and fight change, or accept and embrace it, and choose to take the most positive view of the situation that you face.
“Change” (CC BY-SA 2.0) by seaternity
Often though, accepting change is a lot easier said than done. For example, if your partner has cheated on you, you’re not likely to be feeling very positive about it. But you can decide to either work to resolve the situation and repair your marriage, or perhaps accept that there’s a reason why this happened. Even though it may be hard to work through a separation, who’s to say that life after it might not turn out to be better? Many people moving on from a split go on to find greater happiness than they had before.
“Packing Suitcases” (CC BY-SA 2.0) by theglobalpanorama
It’s hard to deal with that empty feeling when the kids leave home
Similarly, when facing the moment your children leave home, many women can go through a stage of feeling bereft, and have to adjust to life with just their partner again. Depending on how close you are to the kids, you may feel abandoned by them. But you have to accept the inevitability of children becoming independent and, instead of focusing on the negative implications, revel in the free time that you will have for yourself. After all, they’re not leaving your life; they’re just going to be living somewhere else.
“sunrise” (CC BY 2.0) by TBoard
One day at a time
When you’re facing a big life change that you haven’t asked for, the important thing is to take everything one day at a time. Try not to make hasty decisions, instead think through what you’ll do differently, and bear in mind how your choices will affect the people around you. While we might not welcome every change in life, the best policy is to take a positive and proactive approach, and that way you can retain control of your destiny.