Think back to some of the most important times of your life… you’ve most likely experienced them with friends. Most of us has a BFF who’s been there for us through good and bad. There’s the BFF who helped you through more break-ups than you’d like to remember… she may have even helped you egg a few cars. There’s the BFF you go to coffee with, the one you party with and the one you go to the gym with.

If you want to keep that friendship strong, here’s one important piece of advice – keep money out of it.

Money and friendships don’t mix!

I used to laugh at this advice. I always thought my friendships were too strong to be affected by money… not so. Here are three ways to ruin your friendships by throwing money in the mix.

1) Lending friends money

A few years ago, one of my good friends asked me to lend him $800. He said he’d pay me back in a few weeks.  We’d been friends for so long and I hated seeing him in that situation, so I gladly lent him the money. I never saw the money again. Despite the fact that I didn’t harass him about the loan, he felt awful and couldn’t face me because he couldn’t pay me back… and then he disappeared.

I haven’t heard from him in years. I lost the money AND the friendship.

I’ve never lent friends money since. It’s just not worth losing a friendship over a loan. These days when a friends asks to borrow money, I tell them how much I can give them not lend them. If I can’t afford to give anything, I don’t. This has kept many of my friendships in tact and some have even paid that money back even though I never expected them to.

Give what you can afford and never expect to see it back. This is the only way to mix friends and money.

 2) Going into business together

Being best friends is one thing, but being able to work together is something completely different. You have to be like-minded to be successful as business partners, which is why finding a good business partner is such a hard thing to do.

Think back to school projects you’ve had to work on with classmates. Didn’t you want to strangle that one girl who never really pulled her weight?

The same goes for business – one may end up feeling like they’ve put in more work than the other, so they expect to get more of the profit. Unfortunately, it rarely works that way unless you’ve discussed it in advance. Even then, it can be awkward.

You can always sever relationships with business partners, you can’t do that with friends without severing your friendship as well.

3)  Co-signing loans for friends

Two years ago, a friend asked me to co-sign a loan for her. With a $34,000 debt, I wasn’t in any position to co-sign a loan for anyone. Another friend co-signed her loan and their 12-year friendship ended 6 months later when she defaulted on the loan and the co-signer got stuck with it.

Needless to say, it’s awkward being the friend in the middle.

We love our friends, they’re our coffee buddies, wine buddies, crying buddies and party buddies… but friends and money simply do not mix. It almost always ends up badly.

Have you ever mixed money with friends? How did it turn out?

Spring has officially sprung, which means it’s that time of year again – it seems like every woman I’ve talked to lately has just started or is about to go on a diet (on Monday, of course). As I wrote about in the last Fed Up blog post, I myself am on a mission to get myself healthy. One aspect of that includes losing a significant amount of weight. However, there are a few things I’m not going to do. I’m not going to crash diet. I’m not going to count a single calorie. I’m not going to punish myself at the gym for 2 hours every day. I’m not going to give up my social life and become a hermit for the sake of getting in shape.

So what exactly is my plan?

I’ve decided that this is the year I fall completely, head over heels in love with myself.

The war against my body is over. The war against food is over. I’m done fighting cravings. I’m done stressing out over things and people I can’t change. I’m done binge drinking on the weekends to help me forget the week that I spent doing things I didn’t truly love. That was the old me, this is the new me, and she’s going to be making some changes.

While there isn’t a specific set of rules I’m going to follow this year, there are a few general guidelines I’ve gleaned from various experts in the health & wellness field. Most traditional diet plans focus on the what and the how much of eating, which is important, but they fail to include the why, when, where, and with whom aspects. All of those factors combined make for a much easier and much more pleasurable weight loss process.

So, here is my guideline list for the year:

Eat real food, when it’s in season. That means I’ll be at the various Chicago farmer’s markets a lot, stocking up on fresh, local produce. If it was made in lab, has 10,000 ingredients and 5 health claims on the front, it’s not for me.

Happy food makes for a happy Samantha. Conventionally produced produce is loaded with pesticides and chemicals, which my body then has to detox. No thanks. I’ll get my food from local farmers who lovingly tended their fields. The same goes for animal products. Factory farmed food has no place on my table.

Eat only when I’m hungry + the kitchen closes at 6:00 PM. So often I find myself eating because I’m supposed to, I’m stressed out, or I’m bored. No more. And, the kitchen closes at 6:00 PM to give my body a chance to rest and properly digest and absorb the food.

Exercise is my friend. Anyone who knows me knows that I hate to exercise. I could eat kale 24/7/365 but getting me to move my body is like pulling teeth. I’m going to start slow, with a daily walk and stretching and yoga a few times a week. That’s it. I hope to someday do a triathlon, but I’ll build up to that.

That’s my list, and I’m much more excited about this strategy than any other diet I’ve ever been on. No calorie counting, no deprivation, no guilt, just straight up loving and lots of good food. It’s time to stop dieting and start living!

How will you fall in love with your body and yourself this spring?

Remember the last time someone in your organization HOOKED YOU UP and you thought, “Wow, that person really went above and beyond for me.  How cool of them.” You said ”Thanks” and that was it?  That will be the LAST time you simply said “Thanks” and moved on because soooo much goodness comes from giving extra praise.

Let me explain – Tom Rath and Gallup conducted an analysis, which included more than 10,000 business units and more than 30 industries to find that individuals who receive regular recognition and praise (a) increase their individual productivity, (b) increase engagement among their colleagues, (c) are more likely to stay within their organization, (d) receive higher loyalty and satisfaction scores from customers, and (e) have better safety and fewer accidents. 

Nine out of ten people report being more productive when they’re around positive people.

This means that when you explain to the person who hooked you up HOW MUCH they helped contribute to a final positive result in what you were trying to accomplish, you better believe the next time you need them, they will jump at the opportunity to help YOU before others.

This past week I had a coworker jump through hoops for 2 days to help me accomplish a task for a new big potential client.  Once we finally finished the job, I emailed his boss with a “You should know you have a rockstar on your team because of X.”  The manager was THRILLED to hear about the excellent performance, shared it with his team, and the service level I receive from this group is even better!  All because I took the time to give props.

My challenge to you- This week someone will go above and beyond for you.  It might be someone in administration at your company, a local barista at Starbucks, or a peer.  Write to them or their boss if they deserve the props and feel the glorious after effects of a win-win-win.

Every girl dreams of walking down the aisle to meet her prince charming, the thing is, we don’t realize at 10 years old what planning goes into making it all happen!  We envision our husband-to-be waiting for us at the end of the aisle, ready to say I do, and no matter what style dress or wedding, you imagine yourself looking your best.  Girl, that doesn’t just happen on its own, beauty takes work!

For most of us, we have some type of routine that we go through every day to get ready and look our best.  Whether you are a 10 minute girl, or your like me and you take your time and stretch it out to an hour and a half, we all care what we look like to others.  For the biggest day of your life,  this is going to be the longest get ready session in history!  You are going to want to spend some time and follow the tips below to look your best as you walk down the aisle.

I sat down with my go-to beauty girl, Jeanell Bowker from Mario Tricoci to get some great tips of how to prep for your wedding day.  Jeanell shared her top insider tips below but if you would like your own bridal beauty consultation you can contact Visions to get a complimentary consultation.

Not a bride but want beauty tips?  Skip to the bottom of the article to see how you can look your best,  and find out what colors you don’t want to wear to a wedding!

Head to Toe Beauty Tips for Brides:

1. Hair Care Tips - Wash your hair the night before or better yet, receive a blow out from your hair stylist, this way the hair is clean and yet has enough texture to put your hair up for your special day.  Make an appointment to receive your blow out for your rehearsal dinner and now you are all set for both occasions!
2. Inspiration is Priceless - Bring pictures to your stylist.  We all have different textures and style of hair so it’s important to bring to your stylist what you envision for you big day, but more importantly (and I have seen this time and time again as a wedding planner) your terminology of soft curls may be different from your stylist.  The last thing you want is to tell her the look and get something completely different on the day of.  Pictures will ensure you are both on the same page.
3. Be Realistic - It’s best to take the recommendation of a professional.  If your stylist truly is a professional she will consult you regarding the silhouette of the dress, accessories, shoes and the formality of your wedding to give you the best style for your hair type.
4. Practice Makes Perfect - Jeanell recommends getting a trial run no matter how long you have been seeing your stylist or how much you trust her work.  With the trial you will be able to try different options as well as take pictures to make sure it’s exactly what you want.  Bring the photos you take from the trial with you on your wedding day because stylist see hundreds of clients in a month and you want to make sure you get the style right.  Take a front and back photo to get the overall feel for the style and as a rule of thumb get a trial done about a month out.  This way it’s fresh in your minds but you still have time if you need to tweak some things.
5. Timeless Elegance - Remember, hair should look timeless.  Trends are fine to set the tone of the style but you don’t want to look back and tell what decade you were married in by your hair.
6. Beauty is Pain - Bobby pins can be painful if you aren’t use to them.  It’s a good idea to have Advil on hand before the evening gets underway (If you hired a wedding planner she should have all the essentials in her emergency kit).  Just like a ponytail or a headband can apply discomfort after a whole day, so can bobby pins!
7. Less is NOT better - This is probably one of the few instances when less is NOT more!  There are two main reasons why your makeup artist will cake on the products. 1) Photos, the camera will produce a shine and diminish the smokey eye just by the flash alone.  Also to ensure that your photos depict how beautiful you were in person, your makeup artist will want to be using the correct products (yes there are a list of products not to use specifically for photos) and will make your eyes a bit darker. 2) This is your wedding, you don’t want to look like you do every other day, you want to look like you are dressed to the nines for your big day and makeup sets the stage.
8. Lose the Orange - A nice glow is a must, but tanning too much before your wedding makes it very hard to custom blend your make up and to match your skin tone.  Not to mention you don’t want to look back at photos and say, “Why didn’t someone tell me how orange  I was!”
9. Pucker Up - Lip color is the biggest debate.  Think a little outside the box and  try your professionals recommendations.  Lip color changes by the season and although you still need to feel comfortable you may want to push your boundaries and try a color you would never think of wearing.  Sometimes your makeup artist knows best, and just like a dress, try them all because often the tone you least expect to be complimentary is the best fit.
10. The Best Accessory - Shoes… girls love them and our feet hate them! Remember that on your wedding day you will want to flirt a little with the camera by showing some amazing heels but by the end of the night you will not want to be dealing with those extra 5 inches.  As Jeanell shared with me, her grandmother gave her some great advice, “No matter what, a real lady never takes off her heels in public!”  Whether your whole bridal party gets matching flip-flops or ever Dr. Scholls flat slip on’s,  it’s better to have these as options than to be in your beautiful dress shoe less, think ahead.

Not a bride but want Beauty Tips?  Email me at Jenee@visionsweddingboutique.com for the Top 10 Wedding Guest Beauty Tips.

When I was much younger, I was sort of bullied. I say “sort of” because there was no physical harm done and there was nothing I would consider verbal abuse. Being a darker-skinned person was the cause for much of the ridicule. Being an African, your parents recourse comes in two forms. One is asking you: “Are words going to kill you?” The other is, “Well, you will be a stronger person because of it.” I don’t mean to make my parents sound harsh but African culture expects certain toughness when it comes to things like this, and besides they were right; I did become a stronger person because of it.

Still, it wasn’t until my late teens, that I truly became comfortable in my own skin, literally. When the movie, “Dark Girls” came out it was interesting to see that I wasn’t the only one who had struggled with it. Women of all age ranges, even women in their 50s still had painful memories of their ridicule.  It was heart-breaking to watch, but I think it made me realize that it had been a blessing for me to intentionally “get over it” at a young age.

Have you ever had anything people made fun of you for?

When most people meet me, they recognize a confidence that I have and for the most part it’s true. I am confident in my intelligence, personality, and values. Still, it wasn’t until something my senior year college roommate said that made me realize I was insecure about how attractive I thought others thought I was.  We were talking about my inability (which is really my unwillingness) to approach guys. She said, “I think you automatically assume that guys you‘re attracted to won’t be attracted to you….and that’s silly” Those words rang in my ear – it was like a secret about me that I wasn’t aware of until she pointed it out.

Then I was watching a Lifetime movie that centered on the same theme and this girl told her brother that he was already ruling himself out without even giving himself a chance. He was being his own bully.

Are you your own bully?

Do you sometimes think that you’re not good-looking enough or smart enough or generally good enough for something (or someone) that you don’t even try to go after what you want? I know that up until recently and after talking with a new friend who is very into the psychology of women and the way we think, I had been my own bully when it came to that area of my life. I did feel like guys that I was attracted to would not go for me. The same way some of my friends thought they weren’t smart enough for certain classes or majors or jobs. The same way people I know believe they aren’t good enough to be at certain restaurants or places or around certain people.

I had to change the way I saw myself. For someone who feels so confident in many things, to be insecure about an area like this is, well, a little ridiculous. I had to have a serious conversation with myself and to STOP being my own bully.

Looks, intelligence, values, etc. – they’re all touchy subjects .They are also things that can make us feel insecure at one time or another because there will always be someone who seemingly is prettier, smarter, funnier and “better.” Still, it’s high-time many of us start believing that we DESERVE what we want. Whether it’s the guy you’re attracted to at your gym (cough, cough), the job you seek, the lifestyle you want and even the person you want to be. YOU DESERVE IT.

So I ask again: Are you your own bully? If so, about what? Moreover, what are you going to do about it TODAY?

They are fabulously well-paid, fabulously educated, and fabulously well-dressed. After spending years at Harvard or in an online finance degree program, they are the modern day financial geniuses and bankers, the powerhouses of American industry. Their expertise keeps the wheels of capitalism spinning, so that every man and woman may enjoy the benefits of prosperity and abundance.

Yet, with the American economic crash, one might wonder, are they to be trusted? Following are 10 great reasons to never trust a guy with a finance degree.

1.     Never swim with sharks, especially if you’re a person. In the world of investing and finance, the big money is in percentages and commissions, and investors are the red meat that keeps this shark tank fed. Investment advisors frequently suggest ‘great’ investments because they offer great commissions.

2.     Bernie Made-off with the money, and so are other people. The rise of social media has had a profound effect on people’s ability to swindle one another because of the lightning speed at which relationships can now grow.

3.     Has your advisor explained High Frequency Trading? The vast majority of stock exchange trading is conducted by computers, that ‘front run’ customer orders. This means that they jump in front of the customer bid and grab a few pennies off the top, before the customer transaction takes place. It adds up to big money for the connected investment banks.

4.     Nobel prize-winning laureates are well paid by those for investment strategies that crash in the real world. And they are paid by those who are more interested in keeping their money than anyone else.

5.     The ‘demographic bubble’ is never mentioned. Beginning in 2010, withdrawals from retirement accounts held by baby boomers were long projected to exceed contributions. This would inevitably create a dampening effect on the stock market. Did your financial advisor ever mention this to you?

6.     Equations, algorithms, charts and graphs are hype. They know it, now you do too.

7.     The housing bubble was unforeseeable. Really, if the investment world couldn’t see this one coming, what are they good for?

8.     The mortgage interest rate con. This is how it works. You get a mortgage with a sweet interest rate of 3% amortized over 30 years. What the bank fails to share with you is that the interest is front loaded. During the first five years, the interest paid is far higher than the amount averaged over the entire 30 years. And the main thing they fail to share is that the average American moves every five years, resulting in massively higher interest paid.

9.     The mutual fund racket. The promise is that ‘professional’ management of your portfolio will lead to wealth creation. Just hand all your money to this guy over here, and he’ll take care of your retirement and savings so you never have to worry. The truth is, mutual funds charge high fees, underperform the market in almost every case, and benefit no one but the salesmen and managers.

10.  From tea to tulips. The financial industry has a long history of schemes and frauds. Back in the day, there were the great trading companies, such as the British East India Trading Company, American Railroads, and Dutch Tulips. Every one promised huge profits to their investors, and every one became a bubble burst.

Even with loads of financial regulation and oversight, financial fraud and ponzi schemes persist. This is because information is not equally shared. Your banker may not know if any investment is going to pan out for you, but they do know what their cut of the fee is going to be. Just remember, this is an industry that didn’t get wealthy by making things, they got rich by taking a cut. Be sure that cut doesn’t come from your hide.

I have officially joined the ranks of iPhone users.  That is a statement I never thought I would say, especially since I’ve been on Team Android for over three years.   Interestingly enough, I wanted an iPhone when it first came out, but of course I refused to switch from Verizon to AT&T, so in the meantime, I met and fell in love with Android. Through the opinions of others who had an iPhone, I decided that I was good with Android, but I was still curious about the iPhone – especially the 4S with the Siri functionality.  It also occurred to me that only I could determine how I would like the phone and I really needed to test it out.

So considering I was up for an upgrade and keeping in mind, Verizon’s 14-day return policy, I decided to take the plunge.  I was worried though because I wondered if it would be easy to use. I wondered if I would miss the bigger screen (4.3″ versus 3.5″).  I wondered if I would miss the speed (4G versus 3G).

After having the phone for a day, I still had not made up my mind…but fast forward six days later and I am hooked.  Why?  Because of Siri mainly.  I have her to remind me of stuff all the time and I use her to play music that I want to listen versus manually having to find it for myself.  Not to mention, she is quite funny.  It’s a nice change.

It is interesting how many of my friends reacted to my phone change.  They actually asked me who I was, what I had done with Jessica and told me that I had joined the “dark side”.  That just goes to show you that some people tie their identities and yours to a phone choice.  You are either on Team iPhone or Team Android or Team Windows.  This is how the term fanboys is most often used – you can normally tell what phone team they are on.

I say Android has its positives and so does the iPhone.  So I will be on whatever team gives me the best phone experience that I need at the time.  So even though I have an iPhone in my pocket right now, I’m not on Team iPhone.  I’m on Team Phone.

How about you?  What team are you on?  Do you find that your identity is tied to your phone choice?

I’ve been waiting until this sweet day where I can speak about my second favorite passion aside from business and that is FASHION.  Why now, you ask?  Over the past week, I have had 3 chick coworkers vent about their boring wardrobe and exclaim, “This summer, I want to add some funk to my office style.”

Ladies around the office open up to me about their style woes because I am fearless when it comes to incorporating the new trends into the office uniform.  Here are my tips to slowly start adding a WOW-factor into your get-up:

1. Pep Up Your Pumps

The blazer, slacks, and skirt can stay conservative on top and the POP comes from a colorful pump.  Stop buying black shoes!  Why would you when there are Coral Pumps and Banana ankle-strap stems?

2. Add a Belt, Scarf or Bangle

Belts are not ONLY for belt loops and scarves are not ONLY for under a North Face coat.  Add a Blue python skinny belt on top of your long cardigan or a Pastel Statement Necklace over a simple white button up to make a statement.

3. Get Style Inspired!

SO many fashion blogs, SO little time!  I peep these sites at least once a week for the FRESHEST ideas for the season.  Here are my top picks.

TresBienEnsemble -Chicago gal who has got adding a conservative twist down to a science!

WhoWhatWear - Everything Fashion and Beauty.  Get cues from Celebs and runway styles.

ElShane - My good friend and celeb stylist for Guilliana and Bill, to name a few, Lauren Shane.  My personal FAVE blog because Lauren is not only creating her own style within trends but she is also an incredible business woman.

I challenge you to step out of the neutral pallet, add personality to your office wardrobe, and make a memorable statement with a few FUNKY twists!  Just because you work in a cubicle, doesn’t mean you have to dress like it.

As I’ve mentioned previously, I live with boys. Somehow, it’s never been an issue of concern with parents, family, or other parties. But when the idea of living with a significant other was posed to my friend the other week, it became a hot button issue!

I’ve always believed I would live with my significant other prior to marriage. Why wouldn’t I? If you loved the person and wanted to see how committed you were, if you were truly compatible, wouldn’t you want to  live together? Not to mention it would be financially responsible to live with someone else.

In my opinion, I’ve seen too many marriages fail that could have been remedied or all together avoided if they had lived together and seen all the flaws prior to taking the jump.

I really had no idea others would really disagree with me (except those for religious reasons) until it came up in discussion the other night with a friend. This male friend said he completely disagreed. He believes that if two people are committed enough to move in together, they should get married. He also believes it’s pessimistic- setting yourself up for failure in a way.

The  next day, as a great coincidence, my favorite morning show Today on NBC had their  “Ask the Experts”  segment discussing living together prior to marriage. I decided to play the segment for my friend. I hadn’t watched it yet but  I knew it might bring some other elements to our discussion and someone on the panel would of course agree with me. I was so terribly wrong.

The first time in “Ask the Experts” history, (Or to my knowledge- but I’m an avid Today watcher),  they all agreed. THEY. ALL. AGREED. And not to my liking either! All three experts (including my beloved Hoda Kotb) agreed that living together takes the “special”  out of marriage and it has become too common these days.

My friend sat back and chuckled in his glory as I fumed over my defeat.

But I can’t be the only one who thinks this way right? As much as I love Hoda and the experts, they aren’t the end all be all right?

What do you all think? Am I alone in my potentially pessimistic views? Or are there others out there that see the rational reasoning  in moving in to test true love? Is the boy crazy (per usual) or does he have a point? Let’s talk.

Happy Thursday Y’all!

Ever heard of free money?

Of course not, it doesn’t exist. In my world however, it did.

This ‘free money’ came in the form of a cute little card that fit neatly in my wallet, pocket and palm – my credit card. I’d sometimes forget my phone or keys, but I’d never leave home without it.

Don’t get me wrong, having a credit card isn’t necessarily bad. I just took it to another level. I had a charge-it-and-forget-it attitude. I charged everything from bottles of water to vacations. What got me in trouble was that I often paid the minimum and continuing charging away. In my world, as long as I was paying the minimum, everything was fine.

Before I knew it, my balances were out of control. Yes, I say balanceS because I had two credit cards and both were nearing the limit. Eventually, I had to get a personal line of credit just to pay off those credits.

You know what I did afterwards? I went right back to charging those two freshly cleared credit cards. By the time I finally woke up and smelled the debt, my consumer debt had reached $34,000!

It was one of the hardest things I had to do and I had a few false starts, but I eventually got my cleared my debt. I learned a lot through that debt repayment process, but here are the five steps that helped me get to being debt-free.

1. Freeze

Before even thinking about the next steps or how you’ll ever be able to get out of debt, just freeze. Stop buying things you don’t need and most of all, stop using credit cards. This is a short period of time, just a few days to wrap your mind around the reality of your debt situation. Open those statements and panic, cry or scream if you have to.

2. Reassess and change your attitude

My biggest problem was my attitude towards credit cards. Of course I knew, that I’d have to pay back all that credit, but when I was in the moment, I just wasn’t thinking about that. All that mattered was getting those cute shoes before the sale ended and my little plastic card was the answer. I had to live by the words ‘ I will not use my credit card to finance my out of control shopping habits. It is not free money’. I couldn’t change my attitude without changing my lifestyle and spending habits – they go hand in hand.

3. Cash is your best friend

The benefit of using cash is that you can see it dwindling. You have time to panic and realize how much money you’re spending because your wallet is getting thinner after each purchase. Credit cards, on the other hand, are so convenient that you don’t even realize how much money you’re spending. For instance, dropping $200 in cash made me sweat, but that same amount on credit barely made me blink. If you don’t see it, you don’t feel the pain.

4. A budget is your second best friend

In the days when I was spending like a rockstar, the thought of creating a budget made me dry heave. Once I got over the melodrama and created one, it changed my life. It helped able to keep track of where my money was going and I no longer threw my arms up and yelled “where did my money go” at the end of every month.

5. Pay, pay, pay

My debt repayment became another bill I had to pay every month and I did whatever I could to save in other areas  to make more payments towards my debt. I quickly realized that my income wasn’t going to cut it and I needed to make more money, so I got a side hustle and every penny from that side hustle went right towards my debt.

It took me a year and I all I remember of 2011 was working my butt off and wanting to slap myself for getting into debt in the first place, but I reached my goal of paying off every penny of that $34,000 by the end of the year. I’ve started using my credit cards again, but  I pay off the balance right away.

What’s your attitude towards credit cards?
Have you ever been in credit card debt?