How To Manage A Relationship When You Make More Money
The following is a guest post by Jasmine Diaz. Her bio follows.
Maintaining a healthy relationship requires an equal amount of skill and experience. But when matters of the heart include money, it can make for a very sticky situation.
Being the breadwinner in said relationship can be more of a challenge than you desire, but you don’t have to compromise happiness for your career. You can find the balance between owning your love life and the bank account. Here’s 4 tips on how to manage a relationship when you make more money than your partner.
#1 Take a step back and let him lead
Most career women I know have a sincere problem with being dependent (i.e. less independent). They’ve climbed that work ladder and have found success on their own, but power in the workplace doesn’t always translate well at home.
That drive to dominate is not an attractive relationship quality (for some men, at least). Your partner is not looking for a dictator, he instead wants a partnership. And when you’re in a partnership, you want to be respected as someone of equal value.
If you’re the breadwinner in your relationship, it’s even more important that you communicate with your partner. Let him make important decisions without you interfering (where to order take-out is a good start). Let him pick up the tab instead of always reaching for your purse. I’m not saying you should sit back and be waited on, but there are ways to make your partner feel like they are an equal even if it’s not in the bank.
#2 Don’t use money as a weapon
Being with someone who makes more money than you can be a major pride-deflator, and when you use it as a weapon, it can create tension and/or resentment in your relationship.
It may be difficult for your partner to cope with the fact that you out-earn him, so rather than make money the focus, acknowledge what he does bring to the table. Is he a great father? Amazing cook? Brilliant writer? Good in bed? Whatever it is, highlight it and make it a big deal.
Being a great partner means being a great supporter, and by showing that you support their endeavors, achievements and life-wins, you are saying, “You are valued. I respect you. I appreciate you.” And being valued is worth more than gold.
#3 Sharing is caring
This tip mostly applies to couples, but any reasonable dater can come away with a few nuggets of value.
In marriage, there should be an “us” and “we,” not a “yours” and “mine.” If you’re married to a man who makes less money than you, realize–in theory–that your money is his money.
I understand that there are prenups and a need to protect one’s own interests. But people get married with the hopes of staying together, so don’t treat “your money” like it’s more valuable than your relationship.
Instead of getting caught up in the legalize of personal finance, consider opening a joint account where you can both make deposits and withdraws. Talk about your spending habits together so there are no surprises, and let your partner use it as needed. Unity in this area of your relationship will help more than it will hurt.
#4 Never argue about money
Before I got married, my mother sat me down and laid out what she called, “The facts.” “Never argue about money. Dad and I never argue about money, and neither should you.” I have to tell you, I didn’t really believe it, because what couple doesn’t argue about money?!
I can safely say that in my 14 years of marriage, my husband and I have never argued about it. What I have come to learn is that, A) Money comes and goes, and B) When it goes, there’s a chance it won’t come back, and if you’re broke, why add lonely to that mix? There is no purpose in fighting about the cause of a financial loss, because “my” loss is our loss.
If your partner is a poor money-manager, consider establishing a monthly spending budget. A great way to do this might be with a prepaid spending card like Serve by American Express that you can deposit money into every month. This will put your spending habits in to focus, and will reduce the risks of being “out of funds” when you need it.
Focusing on a solution is a far more productive way to resolve financial conflicts, so don’t argue about money. It’s just a waste of your precious time.
About Jasmine Diaz:
Jasmine Diaz is a celebrity matchmaker, author and dating strategist. Jasmine has over 15 years experience helping high-profile celebrities, athletes and business professionals from across the United States. Determined to be more than just “a matchmaker,” Jasmine has quickly become a go-to dating expert and television personality. She’s appeared on “TD Jakes Show,” “The Raw Word,” “For Peete Sake,” “Big Girls Club,” “LisaRaye: The Real McCoy,” Fox News, “The Loving Story,” and “Need Love Will Travel.” . Jasmine resides in Los Angeles with husband Eddie and son Gray.