Getting Married? 4 Tips To Avoid The Mother-in-Law From Hell

So, you’re deep in the middle of all the craziness of planning and getting ready for  your moment.  But your fiance’s mother is getting more and more difficult to handle on top of all the other pressures and demands.  Other than scream or cry, what are you going to do?  The following tips are excerpts from Reluctantly Related Revisited: How to Break Free of the Mother-in-Law/Daughter-in-Law Conflict  by  Dr. Deanna Brann and give a quick survival guide.  Then, grab a glass of wine, get the book,  and visit her website on all things in-law to get it all under control!

Tips to Avoid the Mother-in-Law From Hell

I’m sure at this point you are wondering if it would be better to avoid her all together or move as far away from her as possible. Trust me, as appealing as this may be, it really isn’t the answer. Avoiding her will only make your relationship with her worse. More importantly, though, it can and will hurt your marriage. Here are some tips to help you create a better, more comfortable relationship with your soon-to-be mother-in-law:

1. Let her feel a part of things

   – There are so many things to do when it comes to planning and executing a wedding. Let your future mother-in-law be a part of it. Let her feel that she in included, not excluded. As much as this is about you and your wedding, it is also her son’s wedding. She may not have another opportunity to be involved in such an important life event. Depending on the type of mother-in-law she is, you can give her small tasks or more important ones. You can share with her what you are doing and when you are doing things so, again, she feels she is a part of what is going on.

2. Be sensitive to her transition from a primary figure to a secondary figure

   – As a mother she is used to having some influence over her child. Letting go of that and yet believing she is still relevant, albeit in a different way, will go a long way in helping all of you adjust to this new family dynamic.

3. Find some positive things about her and build from there

   – Work toward developing a relationship with her that is independent of your fiancé. Get to know what she likes, dislikes, hobbies, and so on. Find something you may have in common with her. If, however, you have a mother-in-law who is like an Off-the Wall Wanda finding common ground may be difficult or next to impossible. Instead, focus on one thing you like about her or something she does well. Let this be the basis of your relationship.

4. Establish some boundaries

   – Setting boundaries helps your in-law know and understand the “rules” of this new relationship. However depending on which type of mother-in-law you have, the boundary setting will be different.

Getting married is full of challenges of its own.  Learning how to handle the in-laws to be will not only make the wedding better, it’ll make for a calm and pleasant entry into married life.

Image:  Jamie Beverly