Managing Grief – Yes You’re Going To Be Okay

I usually have about six books in my reading queue.  For most of them, I’m curious  about what the message might be, and anxious to get started reading them.

Then there was this book about grief.  Even the title – “Grief Works” – was irritating.  Really?  That grief worked for anything other than pain wasn’t my reality. So the the rise of the book to the top of the to-be-read pile was ominous.  On a good day.  On other days, especially the cloudy and dreary days, it was more a combination of loathing and anger.  Managing grief isn’t easy.

Grief Sucks.  Because You Care

I guess I should explain.

A long time ago, I was fresh out of a divorce.  It had been a drama filled relationship, and I was left with what I didn’t realize then was a very jaded view of relationships.  At the same time, my mother was about to retire (my dad had passed away years earlier).  So it seemed natural and a good fit when she asked if she could come and live with me.

She moved in, and we took life mostly one day at a time.  While we’d always been close, the bond and friendship between us grew even stronger.  We each knew that come hell or high water, we’d have each other’s back.  Fifteen years passed.  And then suddenly, she had a massive stroke, from which she never recovered.  She died in the Summer of 2016.

Virtually all of my family lives quite some distance away. So I was left to deal with her loss on my own.  My mom was gone.  My best friend gone.  The one who’d traveled and ran garage sales and shared meals and gardening and tears . . . was gone.

I’ve lost count of the times I thought I was “getting over it.”  No, not yet.

Yes, Grief Is A Process Not An Event

Even now, as I picked up “Grief Works,” there was wave after wave of emotions.  But peering around and through the distortions of tear-filled eyes, I found wisdom and insights I wish I’d had before her death.  Something that might have helped me prepare.

So yes, author Julia Samuel’s messages in “Grief Works” are highly useful in coming to grips with the loss of a loved one.  And it reminds you that you’re not crazy, after all.  That all of your weeping and all of your if only, what if, and should have moments are quite normal and part of the process.   It’s a great book if you’ve already had a loss and are working your way through it.  Until you can get your hands on the book, you should check out Julia’s Pillars of Strength.  Understanding brings comfort, and you’ll get a generous helping of it there.

Yes, get it and read it. But it would be an awesome book to read before a loss, before that fateful and forever moment when you get the call . . .”I’m sorry,  . . .”