When You Know Your Relationship Is Over

You can consider this a little wake up call.  See, I’ve had more than one (don’t ask . . .) relationship.  So I can look in the mirror, now, and more clearly see what I didn’t see then.  Or, what I was unwilling to see.

It’s rare that a relationship goes from fragrant roses to dead thorns overnight.  It’s gradual.  Often, it just sort of sneaks up on you.  But there are signs that all is not well.  If you’re in the doubting and wondering stage, you need to learn them.  There are numerous articles online.

If you’re beyond that, your days and nights have probably transitioned to constant unpleasantness if not stress.  On the one hand, you’re hoping for a miracle.  On the other, you’re living in dread that at any moment your world will come completely apart.  When you know your relationship is over, it’s time to protect yourself.

When Your Relationship Is Over – The Bad News

Please, just stop the insanity.  Stop living in fantasy land.  If you’ve read this far, you already know your relationship is on life support.  Reality is that –

  • From the point of no-return, very few relationships survive.
  • Once your soon-to-be-ex partner has emotionally left the relationship, they no longer have your best interests at heart.  You must take care of yourself.
  • What you think is “fair” will work against you.  Because “they” believe the only thing fair is what benefits them.
  • You need to get an attorney.  It’s imperative, so that you can be prepared to settle family law disputes in a way that is equitable, but preferably favorable, to you.

Yes, There Is Good News

When you’re in the midst of emotional turmoil, enduring a few day, weeks, or months can feel like an eternity.  It’s not.  Think back to some good times of a year or two ago.  Now, you need to realize that in just that much time, you’ll be through all of this and well on your way to healing.

Yes, there IS life after relationship.

Meanwhile, as you’re just beginning to work your way out of your messy relationship, there are some things that you can do to protect your own interests.  These are not betrayal.  These are about taking care of yourself and your future.  Adapted from Divorcenet.com:

  • Keep track of credit cards and checking accounts, especially yours.  Monitor them regularly if not daily.
  • Locate and secure your social security card, or equivalent, and your birth certificate.
  • Make copies of important legal records, including deeds, titles, leases, and insurance policies.
  • Document any occurrences of abuse.  That may include photos, text messages, and/or medical records. Communicate occurrences to a third party (friend, family, clergy, or police) when they occur, not days or weeks later.
  • If you feel you’re in an unsafe relationship, get help.  Check out these resources.

Remember, in the final analysis it’s YOU who must take care of you.  Know that you can and will rise again, even from the most challenging relationship.


Linda Allen

I'm a serial entrepreneur, with a resume that makes me look like a Jane of all trades. Pretty sure we are all reluctant Messiahs, travelling through life planting seeds where ever we can. Hopefully, most of mine have been good ones! MA from Miami University (Ohio, not Florida), BA from Cal State.