Woman’s Guide to Preparing for Divorce
If you have been together for a long time, it is challenging to decide on a divorce. And it is even more challenging to understand whether you really need it and whether you are ready for this step – both morally and financially. There’s much to consider when preparing for divorce. Let’s try to figure it out.
Are You Ready to Take Charge?
It is not about a situation when a man wants a divorce, or when it comes to escaping from marriage, where violence and abuse occurs. Let’s discuss a less complicated but still unpleasant scenario when it seems like nothing awful happens, but, anyway, you are pondering on a divorce.
More often, women worry about the same things: “Probably, it’s time to call it quits. But some days it seems to me that everything can get better. And the next day it feels like it is necessary to break up and separate immediately. Maybe I still love him? Or maybe not, but I am still worried. And what about my dream of growing old together? How will the children take it? And then, how to explain this to all friends and relatives? I definitely do not want to explain anything. So maybe we should not divorce? But I have been already thinking about this for three years. But everything could be fine if he changed his behavior. Is he capable? Or not? Or just do not want to change? What if it’s me wrong? I do not understand how to solve this problem.”
Professionals have written tons of books and articles on this subject trying to provide help for women going through a divorce, but there is another problem. According to all these professionals, a lot of couples who have decided on a divorce, in fact, are not ready for this, and that is why it is so difficult for them to cope with the created situation. Divorce is a radical and tough decision, especially if there are children of the marriage. But even if you do not have kids, this event will have a very long impact on your life. Therefore, before burning the bridges (you will have time for it), it is worth analyzing everything thoroughly and being aware of what to consider when getting a divorce.
Four Questions to Make a Decision
People tend to seek to get out of a stressful situation as quickly as possible, and this is natural – no one likes when it hurts. But when it comes to such a vital decision, rush may only harm as you do not give yourself enough time to calmly analyze your feelings, desires, needs and possible options. As a result, you are not ready for the consequences that will appear in the process (and after that) of the divorce, both emotionally and practically, financially. To minimize the likelihood of such an outcome, hg.org suggests you answer four questions which contain divorce advice for women as well. The way you answer may help you see the whole picture more clearly.
Why do you divorce?
The only valid reason for divorce is the sincere desire to end a marriage and stop being a family. All other reasons, like, “Let him understand how bad is life without me,” “Maybe divorce can change him for better,” “I will get revenge, he will suffer for having offended me” – are the completely wrong reasons. They are based on emotions which are fleeting and changeable. Divorce does not change a person, does not change his thinking or behavior. Divorce simply makes you two separate people who begin to live their own lives. And these lives should be full, happy, and self-sufficient.
Have you considered how to cope with the emotional, domestic and financial problems of divorce?
Girls will be girls: most of us have that mental “slideshow” in mind titled “My happy family.” Here he is proposing, here is a beautiful wedding, here is a joint vacation, here is the first child, here is the second, here you open your common business together, here you are old, gray and beautiful, traveling the world, and your numerous grandchildren call you with their 479th iPhones and so far, or something like that.
All these pictures break down as soon as the word “divorce” sounds. And, surely, it is very hard to take. Pain, loneliness, disappointment, denial, longing, and depression accompany the process. And worst of all, if it is not only your feelings but also the feelings of your common children. But this can be overcome. Both you and your children can cope with it.
However, you have to think over in advance what will help you, how you plan to deal with it, where to look for support. If you just rely on “as luck would get it” there, you may not cope.
The same applies to practical issues. If you depend on your husband financially (an apartment or house is his sole property, or something else makes you not self-sufficient), think in advance, how will you deal with these issues yourself. Will you be able to maintain the habitual standard of living? Whether it is fundamentally important to you? What can you do to change your situation and improve your abilities, earning capacity, and so on?
Do you know what to do to prepare for the divorce process?
If you are going to initiate a divorce, it is better to sort out all the procedure questions and possible divorce options independently and thus, to take the primary responsibility. The moment when you tell your spouse you want to divorce is not the best time to rely on him or wait for support. Learn more about the most suitable options of how to arrange a divorce process so that you have something to offer for consideration.
The first thing to do when getting a divorce is to decide the type of divorce. Divorce can be either contested or uncontested, and the latter is the most popular nowadays. Favored by the US courts, an uncontested divorce assumes that the spouses try to resolve all the most controversial issues of their case out of court and avoid lengthy and tedious trials. Along with it, an uncontested divorce provides opportunities like DIY divorce or online divorce.
If the spouses agree to make a joint settlement arrangement they can do without an attorney at all and save a lot of money. DIY divorce means that you take everything on yourself. You should gather the needed documents and forms, fill them out, learn more about filing rules and divorce laws of your state so that not to miss anything. In general, DIY divorce makes sense in the relatively calm and simple divorce cases (for example, if the couple does not have children or a lot of property to divide in a divorce.)
Another option which gains popularity all over the US is an online divorce. Online divorce means that the spouses can complete all the required paperwork with the help of one of the specialized websites. Or rather, the site will do it for them. The customer must provide some primary data about the divorce case, and all the documents will be automatically customized according to certain circumstances. While DIY divorce implies that you pay only the mandatory court filing fee, online divorce companies charge their fees, but the cost is still much more affordable than that of the lawyer service.
Do you have feelings for your husband?
Most people who have thoughts about divorce still have strong feelings for their spouses. At the same time, as a rule, there is some problem that poisons their family life, nullifying the feeling of intimacy and trust. If you recognize yourself in this description, then before you run to the court, try to deal with the initial problem, independently or with the help of family therapy. This does not necessarily mean that you will be able to solve this problem. At least, if you fail to solve it, you can wrap things up once and for all and decide on divorce with a clear head. Otherwise, after the divorce, you may suffer even more with the thoughts like “And what if it actually was possible to fix everything?”
Preparing For Divorce – Many Considerations!
We want you to be well informed and thoughtful as you are preparing for divorce. Be wise and think twice. Making such a decision requires forethought, so that you can make the best choices for you and your future.