Are YOU Facebook Official?

Recently, my friend has started dating a guy exclusively. When a bunch of us went out for drinks and she was discussing it with us, the first question was, “So are you Facebook official?”

“Facebook official” has become almost a new layer of a relationship. First you “talk”, then you date, then you become officially exclusive, and then you become Facebook official. To some it seems, if you aren’t “Facebook official”, you aren’t official at all.

The changing of the relationship status is now a cultural phenomenon. It is THE thing to do. According to, the definition of “Facebook official” is: “How you know that shit’s real.”

Friends of mine have included the changing of their statuses in the agenda for their wedding. I’m not joking. Right after the ceremony, in their private moments as Mr. and Mrs., the photographer captures the change. NOW they are officially husband and wife.

But to me, the whole thing is SO odd and I have very mixed feelings about it. Sure, it is great that you want to associate yourself with your dreamy and wonderful significant other, but are you associating yourself because you want to, because you feel like you have to or because you want your ex-boyfriend to see?

Your closest friends and family will know of the relationship because of actual conversations and interactions instead of the internet chatter (I hope), so beyond that, who needs to know?

I’m part of the status changing culture too. I’ve been “Facebook official” before. But the part that everyone forgets is the aftermath. The breakup. No matter how you try to hide it, family, friends, and those people from high school pep club that you are still Facebook friends with will message you…

“Stay strong girl.”

“I know we haven’t talked in ages but…”

“What happened?!?”

Simply terrible.

To make fun of the whole “Facebook official” movement (and to show my love for my roommate), I am in a phony “ civil union” with my female roommate on Facebook. But even then, my Grandma saw it and emailed the whole family asking about my sexual orientation. Because if it is on Facebook, it is a big deal and everyone knows.

At this point in my life, I feel like resisting the urge to make it “Facebook official” is best. Don’t worry what the ex thinks. The inevitable posted photos and profile picture change to an image of the two of you is sign enough. And my friend from the bar agrees- her new relationship is staying private.

So what do you think? Are you pro or con “Facebook official”? Ever had any “Facebook official” woes?

Let’s talk.

Happy Thursday y’all!

Lauren Schaefer

Lauren Schaefer is a nonprofit event planner, comedy improviser, avid blogger and New York City single lady. She documents her own new journey as a young professional in New York at her blog From the Fifth Floor.

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