Letting the Boys Be Boys

Hi. My name is Lauren and I’m an idiot.

Let me take it back a step-

For a while, I was dating someone.
And then, I was not dating someone.

While there were multiple factors, to my disappointment, it seemed that for the most part we just argued too much to stay together.

I didn’t understand why we argued so much. Normally, I’m not the argumentative type. But with guy, we just baby bickered all the time. Little things. It was exhausting. And since most of the bickering spawned from me (“Why do you do that?” “Could you please do this?” “Be more ___.”), it was even more exhausting for him. Thus, ending our relationship.

Now back to the present-

When doing some research for this column, I asked my roommate being a guy, what he thought was an important topic to cover. He gave me an earful.

One thing he said really stood out:

“I think one of the most annoying things in a relationship is when someone tries to change the other person, or try to make them into someone else. You should just like someone for them. If you don’t like them for who they are, you probably shouldn’t be dating.”

Ohmygosh. Light bulb.

With all of my bickering and pestering, I had been trying to change my guy. Damn it.

Through trials and tribulations of relationships past, I thought I learned and knew what I needed in a partner. So I tried to groom guy to meet my lofty ideal. All the while, missing out on the perfectly great person in front of me.  The person that I wanted to date in the first place. How terrible!

Sure, there are always little things like “Can you not pop your gum?” but grooming your guy or “finding a diamond in the rough” like so many girls I know pride themselves on, in my opinion just isn’t right. You should like your person just for being your person and if not, like the roomie says, maybe you shouldn’t be together.

So what do you think? Do you have a diamond in the rough? Did you groom your man? Not until talking to my roommate did i realize what I had done. Have you done it to?

Or will you just let boys be boys?

Let’s talk.

Happy Thursday y’all!

And guy- I’m sorry. You’re great just the way you are.

Lauren Schaefer

Lauren Schaefer is a nonprofit event planner, comedy improviser, avid blogger and New York City single lady. She documents her own new journey as a young professional in New York at her blog From the Fifth Floor.

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