Where My Boys At??

Guy friends are the best. We all know that. No need to be high-strung, little concern on impressing them, and it is totally casual. And fart jokes are normally totally cool.

Now living in the city, I feel like my guy friends are just as crucial as my girls. The majority of my guy friends went to college with me. Two of them, I’m lucky enough to live with! I need these boys to cut loose with, to drink beers with, and just to leave the drama out of it.

But now, beyond college, how do you get guy friends?? How do you just keep them platonic?

Movies these days do not help the situation. Movies like Friends with Benefits or Friends with Kids completely rule out the idea that opposite sex friendships are possible. You’ll always fall in love. Not true.

My friend Ellen is best friends with a boy. Both are very attractive people. They are extraordinarily compatible, and yet they have absolutely no attraction to each other. I think the key to their relationship though is that they met in second grade, prior to hormones even being in the picture. So their pre-built friendship trumped any possibility of attraction.

At this point in life, past puberty and past college, I feel like finding guy friends is harder than finding a boyfriend. If you meet a guy in a bar, the first thought isn’t “oh, we could totally be friends.” I had that thought once. And then I dated the guy.

Now, women are leading with their hearts and their ring fingers and men are leading with their groins (and maybe their hearts if we are lucky?). So how do you overcome these challenges and just be friends?

Dress down? No matter how unattractive you think you are, the man’s mind will still wander.

High fives instead of hugs? The gentleman just thought you are the coolest chick in the bar. High fives are his favorite.  Mind wandering again…

Admit you are looking for a friend? Who says they want a new friend?? They immediately assume you are looking for that kind of friend. Mind continues to wander…

So what do you do? Where do you go?

The best I’ve got right now is work. Work friends always stay platonic. (Or at least they should if you are taking a page from my book!). But working in a female-dominated field, that gets difficult too.

So what do you think? Do you have guy friends? How did you get them? Where your boys at?? Let’s talk!

Happy Thursday y’all.


Lauren Schaefer

Lauren Schaefer is a nonprofit event planner, comedy improviser, avid blogger and New York City single lady. She documents her own new journey as a young professional in New York at her blog From the Fifth Floor.

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