Getting Healthy Enough to Survive Jurassic World

Do you have what it takes to survive Jurassic World? On a normal day at Jurassic World, remaining on the human side of the raptor cage, not taking a dip in the mosasaurus tank, and keeping your hands and feet within the giant hamster ball vehicle (the gyrosphere) is enough to survive.


Unfortunately, Jurassic theme parks are ticking time bombs with very sharp teeth and claws. In the words of Jurassic Park survivor Ian Malcolm, a mathematician who specialized in chaos theory: “Life will not be contained. Life breaks free.”

Despite the potential danger, the ability to see prehistoric dinosaurs is too good to refuse. For all you know, the dinosaurs might wait until the weekend after your scheduled visit to escape from their cages to feast on human flesh. And with that in mind, how can you not go? As you prepare for your dinosaur filled visit, your preparations should include a regular workout regime. Yes, the Indominus Rex can run up to 30 mph, but you only need to be fast enough to outrun the woefully out of shape guy standing next to you. Here are a few steps to help you survive your visit.

Step 1: Travel with a Pack of Couch Huggers

The good news is that you might not need to train yourself too much to outrun the guy or gal next to you. In 2013, 22.9% of adults in the United States lived sedentary lifestyles. This means that nearly a quarter of your fellow park attendees spend very little time walking or running on a daily and weekly basis. You want to escape the park alive? Keeps an eye out for those sedentary individuals. These people:

  • Pant as they walk up and down the stairs.
  • Pause constantly to catch their breath.
  • Possess as much muscle mass as a toddler.
  • Tend to be at least a little overweight.

Once you identify these individuals, stick close to them. Animals travel in packs for a reason. Part of that is to lower the chances that they will be the one targeted by predators. If you’re unsure you will locate these individuals, you might want to invite a few of your work buddies. You will probably need to purchase their ticket, but the fact they will be heroically sacrificing themselves for you, will be worth racking up some credit card debt.

Step 2: Run For Your Life

Start working out now. Remember only a quarter of the population does not work out at all. That means the more you work out, the higher the likelihood, you will be able to outrun the other 75% of the population when the T-Rex or I-Rex hunt you down.

Here’s some tips to begin your workout journey:

  • Locate an app like Zombies, Run! Or The Walk to turn your workout into a game. Both transform walking into a fun adventure.
  • Find a workout buddy to keep you going.
  • Bike, ice skate, dance. Choose an activity you enjoy. This will take less willpower.
  • Just keep reminding yourself, you might need to flee from a dinosaur soon. The threat of death can be great motivation.

Step 3: Keep Away Disease

Diseases can make it harder to keep one step ahead of killer dino’s. Why? Cardiovascular disease (CVD) and diabetes both require individuals take regular doses of antibiotics. The I-Rex isn’t going to wait patiently as you give yourself an insulin shot. Inconsiderate, I know… but so is eating people. And if he didn’t enjoy doing that, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.

Here’s what you need to do. Check with a doctor to see if you’re in danger of CVD and diabetes. The fact that you might be young and in your prime, will not mean you will remain physically healthy. Here’s an uncomfortable truth:

Dino attacks and diseases, in both cases being forewarned can allow you to arm yourself to beat the odds. You can reduce the chance of developing either disease by working out for 30 minutes five times a week, eat a healthy diet, keep a healthy weight, and get at least seven hours of sleep each night.

Step 4: Lose Some Weight

A healthy weight can not only ward off disease, it could potentially make you a less appetizing meal. After all, what self-respecting dinosaur would go after a human blade of grass instead of a plump, juicy drumstick? Now’s the time to either begin losing weight or making strides to maintain your current weight. Successfully losing weight is a combination of a regular work out regime and adopting the right diet.

One vegetable you can add to your diet to maximize your weight loss potential is the chili pepper. Chili peppers, according to UC medical laboratory professor JE Mortenson, possesses a chemical called capsaicin. The Power of Capsaicin explains that capsaicin can be utilized to naturally promote weight loss. How does this work? Well, the capsaicin once ingested “up regulates metabolism,” “help[s] the body to metabolize fat molecules” and “decreases the appetite.”

Stick with the healthy diet, the regular fitness regime, and add chili paste or peppers to every other meal – you’ll be on a slow and steady journey to a trimmer, slimmer, and most importantly less appetizing, to dinosaurs anyway, figure.

Jurassic World is the event of the summer. No other theme park gives you the ability to see a real T-Rex, Raptor, or an mosasaurus. A smart park visitor boards a plane fully expecting that they might need to run and fight for their life when the dinosaur’s inevitably escape. Before setting foot in the park, survival depends on being as physically fit as possible.

Featured image a mash-up of The Difference a Degree Makes: Infographic and Jurassic Park Wikia.

Samantha Stauf

Samantha Stauf graduated from the University of Idaho with a degree in technical writing. In the last year and a half, she has been working in the marketing department at a local start-up

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