How to Know When You Are Settling

Well ladies, another one bit the dust for me over here in Datingland. I’m back to this blog post (and following it quite well I’m proud to say).

But truthfully, it was hard to let this one go. He was great. Really, a stand-up kind of guy. But he just wasn’t for me. While I know this guy would have been a wonderful partner and we probably would have gone down the road just as merry as can be, he wasn’t right. And at this point in my life (which is the point between 13 and 100), I’m not about to settle for sort of /kind of /partially right.

My mind goes back to this conversation, when we discussed being in a mediocre relationship and how you get there. Being single is scary. But NOT as scary as the thought of ending up with the wrong person. WE ARE YOUNG. We have time. Let’s wait for that person.

So I’ve made up some questions to help me (in the future), and you (now/later/whenever), know if you are settling with your relationship.

  • What is special about your guy? 
  • Why does your partner do to make you happy? 
  • How do you/ your partner show your love?
  • Do you have the same life goals?
  • Do you both have dreams together and separate? 
  • Do you and your partner share/appreciate the same life values? 
  • Do you agree with/ appreciate your boyfriends view on the world? 
  • Does your boyfriend make you feel like the most wonderful girl in the world? 
  • Do you feel like you negotiate your feelings/opinions often? 
  • Do you feel like the best version of yourself when you are with your boyfriend? 
  • When you think of where you want to be in 20 years, do you see your partner wanting to be in the same place? 

Now, I know not all of these questions might not apply to you. They didn’t all apply to me. Some of these questions you don’t need to be answered positively, but they are all good to think about. 

If you don’t have answers to the above questions, if your answers are only surface-deep, or if you can only think of negative answers, you might be settling.

Think about yourself. Who you are now. Who you want to be. Where you want to go. Then think about who you are with. Will they be with you for the ride? If you don’t know, don’t settle. 

So what do you think? Do you think the above are valid questions to help avoid settling? Do any of these speak to you? Or do you think I’m feeding you total bull? Or might you have other questions to pose? Let me know what you think!

Let’s talk.

Happy Thursday y’all!

Lauren Schaefer

Lauren Schaefer is a nonprofit event planner, comedy improviser, avid blogger and New York City single lady. She documents her own new journey as a young professional in New York at her blog From the Fifth Floor.

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