How to Talk About Money in a New Relationship
There’s nothing that can ruin a new relationship faster than bringing up the topic of finances. When we first meet someone new, everything about them seems amazing. We love their hair, their laugh, their attitude, their car, their sense of humor, their shirt, their apartment, their dog, their sister. We love everything. But then as the relationship starts to move toward being more serious, the topic of money can put a damper on things.
When I first started dating my now husband, I assumed he made as much money (or even more!) than I did. When I found out that I made more money than him, it was a hard pill for him to swallow. While we are living in a new age, there are still some people who can turn inward when the topic of breadwinning comes up. Here’s how to talk about money in your new relationship so you can overcome those stereotypes and the ego that goes with money right away.
Be Open When You Talk About Money
Money can be a sensitive topic for a lot of people, especially if they have a less than desirable credit history or have made big mistakes with money in the past. The importance of being open and honest about money right from the start of a new relationship can’t be stressed enough. You don’t need to air all your dirty laundry on the first date, but being open to discussing it when the time comes really helps to bridge the gap that money conversations can leave in the room.
When you want to have a conversation about money, it’s best just to ask pointed questions, rather than assuming anything. As I said, I assumed my boyfriend (now husband) made more money than me because he was older than me and had much more of a career than I had at that point. I also wasn’t prepared to hear he had filed bankruptcy in the past when it finally came out. He was trying to hide it because he was ashamed of it and it wasn’t until we were talking about getting married that he brought it up.
I learned never to assume and only to ask questions that give me the answers I need to make decisions to move forward. I left the extras on the table because I didn’t need to know about the dirty details, I just needed to know when it happened and how much money it was so we could work to make sure it never happened again. If you need information about bankruptcy, you can consult Spergel. They can talk to you about your options.
Talking about how to split bills and who will pay for what expenses will make it easier for everyone to know what is expected. If you want to share the costs of living in an apartment 50/50, then set up a payment system so you can both adhere to that. Don’t assume that your partner will want to share things 50/50 – some people want to pay for everything and some people don’t want to pay for anything! Hopefully, you find someone who at least wants to share 50% of the bills with you.
Isn’t it romantic talking about money? But don’t let that stop you from having these very important conversations. It can save your relationship in the long run.