Critical Comparison – When Comparing Yourself Goes Wrong

what holds you back

When you are comparing yourself to other women and their lives – success, relationship, business, career, health, looks – this is when critical comparison can come into play. Women often compare themselves to other women who may share similar qualities.

These comparisons of qualities can be healthy, especially when you are looking to see what you can duplicate, but when you make unreasonable comparisons to other women who have achieved high levels of success, it can create doubt and anxiety about your own progress in life  and make yourself less than others. The reality is that we measure ourselves against others, it does not create more for our lives.

Fortunately, there are ways to combat our inner critic and shifting the focus when comparing yourself with these tips:


The first step towards changing the critical comparison is to be aware of what you are saying to yourself. Self-talk is that inner dialogue that you say silently to yourself, about yourself and about others. And the biggest thing about that inner dialogue is that you can beat yourself up better than anybody else can. Nobody will be as harsh on yourself as you are.

Your inner self-critical voice is so common that you may not even notice when it is present.  Think about when you have compared yourself to another. What have you said about yourself?  What words are you using, what is the energy behind the words? Whether the words are internal or external, in a conversation or not, it doesn’t matter, because it’s all energy.


 It is the energy you are putting out there, and an energy that you are literally placing on yourself.  You determine what you will or will not receive. The real magic is about receiving and receiving without judgement. If you have no judgement of anything, including yourself, then you get to look at everything for what it is, not for what you want it to be, not for what it should be but just for what is.

You have to be willing to receive if you truly want the life you desire. What are you willing to receive? How do you begin to receive? You start by caring and nurturing yourself and changing the self-talk to be more positive and uplifting.


 Reframing will assist you in becoming your best friend and your biggest cheerleader. For example, don’t say “I’m so stupid,” or, “I am such a dummy” to your inner critic! Reframe the dialogue from self-judgement to compassion. If you are having trouble thinking of what words to use, imagine what a compassionate friend would say to you in this situation.

Reframing is about you and how you are treating you and learning to “be kind” to you. It is easy to forget about the things we already have and being grateful for your talents and gifts.


When you are looking at your life, maybe you are not where you want to be. What would you like your life to be? What do you want to create in your life? Look around and see what qualities you desire? What would you like to duplicate from other people and their life, career, health, or relationship?

Be specific about the qualities as you may not want to duplicate everything from that person.  You may only be seeing a small percentage of what they are willing to be vulnerable enough to share about themselves. Many people present an image to the world, and their inner world may not match what they are presenting. Yet, we compare our inner self to what people are projecting, showing us their outer self, which is insanity.

Focus on your life and what you desire.  Shift your focus to investing in yourself and your life.

This guest post was authored by Cathy Dool 

Cathy Dool is a business and marketing strategist as well as Conscious Wealth Wellness coach with over 35 years’ experience. A thought-leader, she is the co-owner of consulting and training business, and also operates her family’s multi-million-dollar heavy truck and trailer dealership which is now celebrating its 44th year of business. Cathy is a Being You facilitator, a specialty program of Access Consciousness. Cathy’s greatest passion is teaching others how to live deliberately and create consciously while achieving their desires. 






Ms. Career Girl

Ms. Career Girl was started in 2008 to help ambitious young professional women figure out who they are, what they want and how to get it.