Ms. Career Girl

Top Menu

  • Home
  • Media
  • About
    • Terms of Use & Copyright Notice
    • Privacy Policy
  • Advertise
  • Contact
    • PR and FTC Disclosure
  • Subscribe

Main Menu

  • Home
  • Careers
    • Productivity
    • Career Confessions
    • #SideHustle
    • Job Search Advice
    • Resume Optimization Tool
    • Job Board
  • Lifestyle
    • Life After College
    • Health & Beauty
    • Style
    • Money
    • Travel & Leisure
    • Product Reviews
  • Relationships
    • Dating
    • Marriage
    • Working Moms
  • Specials
    • Real Career Girls
    • Style Your Life
    • Book Club
    • Giveaways
  • Home
  • Media
  • About
    • Terms of Use & Copyright Notice
    • Privacy Policy
  • Advertise
  • Contact
    • PR and FTC Disclosure
  • Subscribe

logo

  • Home
  • Careers
    • Productivity
    • Career Confessions
    • #SideHustle
    • Job Search Advice
    • Resume Optimization Tool
    • Job Board
  • Lifestyle
    • Life After College
    • Health & Beauty
    • Style
    • Money
    • Travel & Leisure
    • Product Reviews
  • Relationships
    • Dating
    • Marriage
    • Working Moms
  • Specials
    • Real Career Girls
    • Style Your Life
    • Book Club
    • Giveaways
DatingFeaturedHomepage Features
Home›Plus One›Dating›Why You Are Attracting The Wrong Men

Why You Are Attracting The Wrong Men

By Kelly Christiansen
Oct 10, 2014
20177
0
Share:

In Sex and the City Season 2 Episode 13, Carrie decides to see a therapist at the encouragement of her friends, who are sick of hearing her talk about Mr. Big. Upon hearing of her misadventures in dating, the therapist says, “Well, the thing they all have in common…is you. Maybe you’re picking the wrong men.” After the session, annoyed, Carrie tells her girlfriends, “I do not pick the wrong men! They pick me!”

But at the end of the episode, we see that Carrie has indeed partnered with another ill-suited mate.

Why does this keep happening? 

cat-2356021_640

FEAR. Fear of anger, fear of abandonment, fear of commitment, fear of intimacy…these are all real fears. As Best-selling author Elizabeth Gilbert recently said to Oprah, “Your fear is the most boring thing about you…it’s just the one we all got wired with when we came in. Don’t listen to it. Onward!”

Take the following analogy: Selective Listener : Inaccurate Info :: Selective “Emotioner”: Absent Authenticity

Some people are selective listeners; they only hear the information that they desire to hear, which is often inaccurate and not the entire story. Selective ‘emotioners’ (not a word, I just made it up for this analogy), are similar; they only experience some feelings, (so they don’t get burned), and are maybe preventing getting hurt but are also missing out on being their true, authentic self.

Reversing ingrained behaviors takes awareness, reflection, and work. Be patient with yourself as you gather up the courage and willpower to break the cycle of acting out of fear. Once you are acting as your strong self (instead of as your afraid self), you will stop attracting men who are wrong for you.

To combat your fear of anger: If you used to be the agreeable people pleaser, visualize yourself speaking confidently to your partner or to a family member. You might even write down what might happen if you don’t drop this bad pattern. Could you be unhappy? Would you weaken your sense of self-respect?

Identifying the unpleasant penalties associated with NOT finding your voice can be the push you need to STAY empowered in each of your interpersonal relationships.

 

Eradicate your fear of trust: I found an awesome cartoonist’ depiction of what this looks like, titled “To Love At All.” If you had a partner that lied or accused you of lying, imagine a relationship with openness and trust. What things will he say and do that will make you feel safe? You may even reflect on the consequences of avoiding committment. How would it make you feel if your partner did not 100% trust you?

Coming face to face with the result of what an uncommitted relationship looks, feels, and behaves like can be the upsetting fodder you need to ensure you cultivate healthy reliance in your next relationship.

couple hands love pixy

 

In order to attract the right kind of guys, fears of not being good enough or undeserving of love must be banished. These might be potential ways you are self-sabotaging. You must meet them, halt them, and stay your strong, confident, kick-ass self! From a self-assured place you will attract the perfect guy for you – who knows, maybe he will be an Aidan 😉 How do you stay empowered? Paint? Workout? Tell me for a RT! @kellymc247

Columnist Archive

Image 1, Image 2, Image 3, Image 4

TagsAbandonmentAidan ShawangerBrenee BrownCarrie BradshawCartoonistCommittmentcouragedatingElizabeth GilbertEmpowermentFamily RelationshipsFearsGavin Aung ThangirlfriendsInterpersonal RelationshipsKelly ChristiansenKellymc247life trailblazersloveoprahrelationshipsself discoveryself improvementSelf Respectself worthself-helpSelf-Lovesex and the cityThe Life You Want WeekendTherapistTherapyTrustVulnerabilityZen Pencils
Previous Article

Great Minds Don’t Always Look Alike: When ...

Next Article

Job Hunt Getting You Down? Here’s The ...

0
Shares
  • 0
  • +
  • 0
  • 0

Kelly Christiansen

A top columnist at MsCareerGirl, marketing guru Kelly Christiansen has 10+ years of strategic leadership experience and is a Senior Marketing Strategist on the Health Care team at Kahler Slater, an architecture firm in Wisconsin. An avid reader, runner, and recipe experimenter, you can follow Kelly on twitter @kellymc247

Related articles More from author

  • DatingLife After CollegePlus OneSelfWork

    Are Your Expectations Realistic?

    Nov 13, 2008
    By Ms. Career Girl
  • Career ConfessionsDatingPlus OneSelfWork

    Today is "Clean out the Negativity" Day

    Nov 19, 2008
    By Ms. Career Girl
  • Career ConfessionsDatingLife After CollegePlus OneSelfWork

    Think Like a Bitch, Don’t Act Like One.

    Dec 2, 2008
    By Ms. Career Girl
  • Life After CollegeSelf

    Your Work is to Discover Your Work

    Dec 4, 2008
    By Ms. Career Girl
  • #SideHustleDatingPlus OneSelfWork

    Thinking Like an Entrepreneur in Relationships

    Dec 12, 2008
    By Ms. Career Girl
  • DatingPlus One

    How To Attract Your Soulmate According to Dr. Oikle

    Dec 18, 2008
    By Ms. Career Girl

  • Career ConfessionsLife After CollegeSelfWork

    A Tale of High Achieving Career Ladies

  • work in sales
    Life After CollegeSelfWork

    Why an entry level sales job is a great way to kickoff your career

  • Find a Career
    #SideHustleLife After CollegeSelfWork

    Get a Modern Day Career Path Dream Catcher

As seen on

career advice blog badge oriel badge

Featured On

  • About
  • Contact
  • Advertise
  • Resume Optimization Tool
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms and Conditions
© Copyright 2021 Ms Career Girl