A Good Question to Ask Yourself: Who Are You?

Who Are You? Spending time with people and reflecting on your experience will help you pinpoint what makes you different from others.

Who Are You? Spending time with people and reflecting on your experience will help you pinpoint what makes you different from others.


As a loud crash outside the studio startled the participants in yoga class, the instructor reminded us to maintain our focus. What a fitting reminder and metaphor for non-exercise settings; life isn’t a quiet, dimly lit sanctuary where we control the music, candles, movements, and flexibility. We can’t predict who will come in to it, who will drop tile, letting it crash to the ground and shattering into pieces, or who will sing to us, soothing our soul with peaceful sounds and kindness. Regardless of how interrelating with someone makes me feel (pretty simple – it is either good or bad); I learn something about myself from our encounter. What are three ways you can self-identify?

1. Define Yourself Via Projects

Finish What You Started Or Call The Whole Thing Off

Projects and threads that I initiated and completed make me feel GREAT. What makes me feel icky, however, is when a partner is involved in the mission and instead of complimenting our effort, instead offers obstacles that prevent implementation. When they are withholding information, neglecting to follow through, and escaping accountability, it makes me feel frustrated and stunted. To my dismay, the loose ends start to pile up in this relationship. Unfinished business does not single me out in making me feel unhappy and anxious. Gretchen Rubin, author of International Bestseller “The Happiness Project” devoted an entire chapter to this, aptly titled “Finish The Projects You’ve Started. Or Call An End To Them”.

2. Demonstrate Your Essence When You Rendezvous 

Your Life Is Like A TV Guide. Your Program Start Times Are (Usually) A Choice.

I am not talking about what time you arrive to an open house or networking business expo, where there is not a set time for discussion or dining. I am talking about what time you arrive for face-to-face meetings, phone calls with your coach, dates, pure barre class, personal training appointments, or when you are invited to dinner. In many instances, I am comfortable extending a seven-minute grace period. However Huffington Post contributor, Greg Savage had a field day on this tardy topic in his article, “How Did It Get to Be ‘OK’ for People to Be Late for Everything?”. Let’s take outside factors such as air travel delays or weather off of the table and pretend for a moment that none of these variables are in play. So someone is late for an appointment as a result of his or her own actions.

Their excuse is ______________ but all you hear is “I choose something else that was more important than being on time to be with you.” We all have a choice. We don’t HAVE to stay at appointment A longer than anticipated, we can get up and leave and end the appointment so that we can arrive to appointment B at the committed time. We are empowered people, not victims against a running clock. In most scenarios, we get to choose. I would like to humbly note that last week, I decided to be late for a board meeting! I returned home from traveling to find my dresses and jackets strewn about the closet floor – the shelf and hanging rod had not been installed properly and broke off from the wall slash okay I get it, no more shopping. I need to wear these things and do not want them to be crumpled on the floor, I rationalized, so I took time to hang everything back up and then went to offer contributions at the meeting.

3. Rock Out In Your Pajamas


Who You Are When No One Is Watching Is Who You Are

In the Blake Shelton video for ballad, “Who Are You When I’m Not Looking” we see women doing things behind a closed office door or at night at home when they are alone. Blake wants to know that she has a jam sesh and dances around by herself, because that is real and what makes her unique. Do you fix your hair and makeup for a phone interview? Do you make a beautiful steak dinner and pour a glass of wine, even if it’s just for you?   What do you do when no one is watching? Share with us @MsCareerGirl or with me @kellymc247

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Kelly Christiansen

A top columnist at MsCareerGirl, marketing guru Kelly Christiansen has 10+ years of strategic leadership experience and is a Senior Marketing Strategist on the Health Care team at Kahler Slater, an architecture firm in Wisconsin. An avid reader, runner, and recipe experimenter, you can follow Kelly on twitter @kellymc247

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